01 Michael “Big Mike” Lynche. “This is a Man’s World.” Booooorrrrrrrring. Sounded like something you might play while you’re having sex, not something you’d want to hear on the radio. Bleh. RANDY: Standing o. SARAHK: Um, ok. ELLEN: Loved. KARA: I didn’t get it until tonight. You went from singer to potentially great artist. I don’t know what you ate between last week and this week. SIMON: I think a lot. What a difference. Exactly the right kind of song. Didn’t sound dated. By far the best performance you’ve given in the competition so far. SARAHK: Yeah, he sang it well, but I just don’t get slow R&B as Idol songs. Same reason I was utterly bored by Ruben Studdard.

02 John Park. “Gravity.” Man, what is with all the gettin’-it-on music? This was boring, too. Vocals were fine, but meh. RANDY: You didn’t add anything to it. ELLEN: Right song choice, not enough soul, better than in rehearsal. Try to feel the song more. KAHRA: Way better than last week. My concern for you is the connection. I don’t always believe it. You need to let loose, don’t be safe. SIMON: I think “Purple Haze” may get their lead singer back this week. It’s what I call a so-what? performance. In 20 minutes, we’re going to forget that. SARAHK: Yep.

Apparently, Ellen’s thing is to dress down, and Kahra’s is to dress up. Gotta go with Kahra on this one.

03 Casey James. He’s wearing a girl’s shirt. SPIKE: So are you, pet. SARAHK: Yes, well, I’m a… nevermind. CASEY doesn’t own a TV. He’s one of those. He also has some secret pre-show ritual that he won’t tell us about unless he makes the top 10. He’s singing “I Don’t Wanna Be.” Electric guitar and everything. He’s great, love him. Wow, and he’s doing a big ol’ guitar solo right there on the American Idol stage. RANDY: I love you channeling all those rockers. I don’t know if you did the best vocal, but I could see you doing this music as an artist and winning. ELLEN: Such a great song. Sounded great, loved the guitar. On paper everything is there, but there’s a stiffness about you. Perform more, but everything else is great. CASEY: I’ll give you more. KAHRA: Look, we all know, the cougar is a fan. Tonight you took two steps backward for me. Tonight everything that was distinct about you went away. SIMON: Did he not return your calls, darling? KAHRA: No you didn’t. SIMON: Last week you chose a great song. This week, you turned into anyone you will see in any bar across America. You don’t have the grit in your voice for that song. CASEY: That hurts a little. SARAHK: Simon, we’re on a break.

04 Alex Lambert. He’s kind of adorable and has major stagefright and usually throws up before performing. “Everybody Knows.” Out there with his guitar. Love love loving this. RANDY: This is such an improvement over last week. It didn’t sound as soundalike as in the past. Really enjoyed that, man. Way legit tonight. ELLEN: It’s like someone took that unripe banana and put it in the paper bag. So much better than last week. Such a great voice under that little mullet. You are somebody I’ve never seen before. KAHRA: Everyone’s rooting for you. Great tone. You’re gonna learn what to do with that voice. SIMON: Alex, that was a million times better than last week. The only time you should be nervous is if you’re useless, and you’re not. But I don’t get the impression that you’re in this to win. You don’t have that killer instinct. I wish I was choosing your songs for you right now. From here on in, I don’t want to hear anymore about nerves and that nonsense, because you’re a good singer. RYAN: You get what he means about the killer instinct, right? See, when I fail, Simon is thrilled. SIMON: And I’m constantly thrilled.

05 Todrick Hall. “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” I’m enjoying it. Has a couple of pitchy spots near the end, but I like it. RANDY: A great song doesn’t need a wildly different arrangement. Just sing a nice song and sing it. For once. ELLEN: Sing and move. Use your strength, because you’re a dancer. I don’t think it was the right song. I hope people vote for you. KAHRA: Todrick, we all like you. Ever since your audition, blah blah blah. SIMON: I would say, Tondrick, move, but don’t sing. Because this is not working for you. Theme park. It was that caliber, which is a very corny, bad version of a Tina Turner song which has no relevance. I’m not sure what’s going on with you at this moment, because you are getting it completely and utterly wrong. TODRICK’S a nice and gracious boy.

06 Jermaine Sellers. He wears footed pajamas around the house, because his dad keeps it too cold. “My name is Jermaine Sellers, and I rocks my onesie.” At least he’s honest. “What’s Goin’ On?” by Marvin Gaye??? After being told to sing more current songs last week, he’s gone with a very current R&B classic. He’s doing his own thing with it, but he is borrrrrrrrrrrrrrring. RANDY: Definitely better than last week. But so close yet so far, you know what I’m sayin’? SARAHK: I think he’s going home. ELLEN: I love your style, and I like that you rocks the onesie. You have great style. It just didn’t work for me. Pushed too hard for me again. JERMAINE: If I pull back any more! KARA: It just feels forced, you’re doing too much, we don’t need every trick in every performance. One trick that means something. SIMON: We’re frustrated and disappointed. Because what you do is you water down the song. That’s one of the greatest songs of all time, but you make it lose its importance, because you play around with it so much. No one can take you serious as an artist. JERMAINE: I’m gonna need y’all to come to church with me one good Sunday, hear us sing. SIMON: I’ll go to church with you. JERMAINE: Don’t play. KARA: Will they let you in? [Kara, sweetie, most churches will let anyone walk through the door.] SIMON: But I don’t think that’s church singing. You know, church singing, again, it kind of gets you. You did a kind of cabaret performance. You’ve gotta work out the arrangements. Just you with the piano on that song would have worked. JERMAINE: What should I sing next week? And I’ll let y’all pick the song. SIMON: I’m not sure you’re gonna be here next week. ELLEN: What about a Frankie Evelyn and Maze kind of feel? RANDY is impressed. JERMAINE goes on about how he knows God, and Jesus is his homeboy. He knows who the Idol demo is. SIMON: Don’t even worry about the phone line, then.

07 Andrew Garcia. Singing “You Give Me Something.” Ok, so he sounds like the Maroon 5 guy, right? Right. Anyway, he sounds nice, I love his voice, but he’s boring this week. RANDY: Yo yo yo yo. I love James Morrison too. That wasn’t the vibe for you tonight. Pitchydawg all over the place. I see you more in the mode of a singer-songwriter. It wasn’t good for me, man. ELLEN: I disagree. I thought there were a couple of pitch problems, but I liked it a lot. And I like that you take chances. You set the bar so high with that Paula Abdul song, that’s the problem, because we’re always going to be disappointed now. But I like you so much that I’m thinking of getting your name tattooed on my neck. KAHRA: That is the problem. “Straight Up” was so brilliant, and since then, it’s been going down. Today, you played it too safe. SIMON: Frustrating once again. The fact that you haven’t chosen the right song for two weeks is a problem. That was just okay, and you’re better than okay. So I’m disappointed still in you. SARAHK: You’re gonna have to take a country song and make it singer-songwritery. But not Rascal Flatts.

08 Aaron Kelly loves photography and has a sweet-looking D-SLR. “My Girl.” Really. Tip for Idol contestants: If it’s been overplayed on the radio for 30 years, it’s not a good idea to take it on for Idol. He is kind of putting a today’s-pop twist on it, but the goat vibrato and that pitchy, bad falsetto right before the end are just ruining it. He’s pitchydawg all over the place. RANDY: Yo, I didn’t know if I was gonna like that. The first half of that song was brilliant, the end got a little strange. You can really sing, and that was 200% better for me than last week. SARAHK: No it wasn’t. ELLEN: A whole lot more confidence, and I liked the way you used the stage. You sing really well, and you did a lot with it, but I wish you chose a different song. KAHRA: I liked it. I mean, I really liked it. SARAHK: Of course you did. KAHRA: You’ve got a great vibrato. SARAHK: For a goat. SIMON: This is really difficult. I didn’t like the song. It was all over the place, and I think you actually went kind of backwards. What you’ve gotta work out is who you want to be as an artist. It was too old-fashioned, the arrangement is old-fashioned. [Mentions Justin Bieber, audience laughs.] RYAN: Do you like Justin Bieber? SARAHK: No. He’s destroyed Twitter’s trending topics. AARON stutters and gives a qualified yes.

09 Tim Urban prays before going onstage. “Come On, Get Higher.” He’s playing acoustic guitar. He’s so much better than last week, and I’m loving it. This is the best he’s been on the show. And he’s so cute with his stupid hair. RANDY: Yo. How was that for you, man? TIM: I had fun. RANDY: It was kinda karaoke for me. Nothing special about it. Pitch problems everywhere. ELLEN: You should act. Like if you were on Glee, and we heard you sing as well as act, girls would go crazy. There’s no charisma, no stage presence. If you can act, you can also sing a little. But I don’t think the singing is the strong suit. SARAHK: Huh. Am I deaf and blind, or are they? KAHRA: It could be there, but it’s not totally there. Blah blah blah. SIMON: Tim, this may surprise you, but I’m gonna disagree with these three. I think that was a marked improvement on last week. I’ll tell you why. I think you really listened to the criticism, chose a young song. You were more relevant tonight than a lot of the other singers we’ve seen before. So I’m really impressed not just with your performance but also with your attitude and your work ethic. SARAHK: We might not be on a break anymore. I’ll let you know.

10 Lee Dewyze made bad choices in high school and had to go to alternative school. “Lips of an Angel.” Brilliant, I love it. At times you think he goes a little pitchy, and the he tunes it right up, so that’s good. Nice. Good. RANDY: Glad that’s over? You miss the guitar? It was a bold move not having the guitar, I like that you’re coming out of your comfort zone. I love you, I think the song had a couple little pitch problems, but I liked it. ELLEN: Yes, I agree, a couple little pitch problems, blah blah, but it came out as a great performance. KAHRA: I thought it was a big improvement from last week. I can hear you on the radio right now. You’re very commercial. You’ve gotta own your stance a little. SIMON: Raise your shoulders, because vocally, you are head and shoulders above everyone else in your side of the competition. But I’m gonna repeat myself, self-belief. You look terrified right now. You’ve just gotta take the center. I’m just waiting for you to totally connect. You may be the one to beat.

My order (*s mean I would have voted for them if I’d actually gotten to watch last week):

04 Alex*
10 Lee*
09 Tim*
07 Andrew*
03 Casey*
05 Todrick
01 Michael
06 Jermaine
02 John
08 Aaron

Hrm. I think John and Jermaine go home.