Ryan says, “This… is American–Simon, stop talking.” Hahaha. Anyway, this… is American Idol.

Simon’s showing deep cleavage tonight. Randy says be true to yourselves, guys. Kahra says the biggest thing is nerves. Ryan mentions that she’s been up there in a bikini, so how do you control your nerves? I don’t remember what Kahra says. Ellen says it’s mixed differently in person than at home, so if we say you sound bad here, you sound worse to the viewers at home. Haha, true. Simon says he saw an awful lot of nerves in rehearsal, and “if you lose it here or forget your words, your career is over.” No pressure!

01 Todrick Hall gets the first spot. He’s from Arlington, TX, the best of the Arlingtons. He’s singing Kelly Clarkson’s “Since You Been Gone.” He’s made it hip-hoppish, and I would love it if it had kept any similarity to the original, which it doesn’t. I didn’t really care for him in the early rounds, but I do like him much better tonight. Not really a vocal powerhouse, and the chorus is bland (where it’s the best and most exciting part of Kelly’s version) but it is a great performance. I would have loved it if I didn’t know the original version of the song. But still good. ELLEN: I love that you took the song and did something different with it. The singing wasn’t the greatest, the chorus was rough. RANDY: You know I’m a fan of yours, right? You’re an amazing performer, but it wasn’t even the same song. Don’t completely obliterate the song so it doesn’t sound anything like the original. KAHRA: I agree with Randy. And like your risk, but don’t go that crazy. SIMON: I think you came over as a dancer trying to sing rather than as a singer who can also dance. What you did is completely murder the original song. I think it was verging on stupid what you just did. SARAHK: Lighten up, Francis. It wasn’t BAD, it was just too unrecognizable. I give him props for doing his own arrangement rather than covering an obscure cover.

02 Aaron Kelly is 16 and a cute kid, so expect him to stick around a long time because the tweeners want someone to crush on whether he’s good or not. He’s singing Rascall Flatts’s “Here Comes Goodbye.” He’s doing a perfect sound-alike, as Simon would say. If I didn’t know it wasn’t RF, I would look up at the TV to see if it was them. So. It sounds great, but way too much like the original for the judges to like it. Also, he’s very awkward on the stage, like he doesn’t really know what to do with himself. Great 2nd half of the song. Well done, great vocals. Not great stage presence. SIMON: You know what, bearing in mind it’s your first live show, it actually was quite a good performance. You look at the moment as if you’re embarrassed to be there, and you’re not even confident enough to even know why you’re here. You’re a good singer, very likable, very cute. But you have to take control of the song. But 100% you’ll be here next week. KAHRA: You’re my favorite kind of contestant, because you have no idea what you’ve got. Blaaaaaaaaaaardeblah. RANDY: I forgot you’ve got all those pipes. Even though there were a couple of little pitchy moments, I was like, dude. Believe in yourself. 16, what a voice, dude, wow. ELLEN: Ditto to all that. I think you’re going to be here a long time. I love how humble you are. You do need confidence, but you’re just going to get better and better.

03 Jermaine Sellers is the one who threw the band under the bus during his solo. He’s a church singer. He says that he looked like a fool when he jumped on the band, and now if he messes up, he’s not throwing anyone under the bus anymore. Ok, I might give him a shot. He’s doing “Get Here” by Oleta Adams. I see that the guys have picked up the hint that singing songs from the opposite sex can work out brilliantly. The song starts out slow and boring, and when he picks it up and goes loud and high, he cracks a little and screeches a lot. I think he just pushed it too hard, because when he wasn’t screeching, he was good. But he was usually screeching. Meh. ELLEN: I’m a huge fan, I love your look, and I love that song. I felt that you were singing the song as more of a performance rather than feeling the song and getting into the lyrics. And I felt like you were pushing the song, and there were a couple of times that you went out and off. RANDY: Yoooo. Weird choice for me, older song, you have big pipes. You were trying to do too much vocally with the song. You ain’t gotta make so much out of it. Pull it back. KAHRA: I think you wanted to show everyone what you can do. It’s about when you do those runs, making them meaningful so that they impact the audience. SARAHK: But by “impact” she doesn’t mean “assault.” KAHRA: You’re young, and that felt a little old to me. SIMON: A little? Yeah, look. It’s the kind of song if you’re playing a piano in a cocktail bar, someone in their 50s might request it. SARAHK: This is where Pauler would say, “You mean like you, Simon?” Huge missed opportunity by Kahra. SIMON: And then in the middle when you were trying to oversing it, it actually sounded as if you were screaming. It was so over-the-top. I think you’ve totally blown it. JERMAINE says something weird and unintelligible that makes Simon laugh. Then it gets awkward. JERMAINE: I was made to look like a diva, and I’m not. [speaking of Hollywood week] RYAN: Did you and Michael make up? JERMAINE: WHO IS MICHAEL? [Michael being the keyboardist Jermaine griped at in Hollywood week. Obviously not knowing the name of the guys in the band makes you a total diva.] Then Ryan brings Michael on stage so they can hug it out, and it’s just weird.

04 Tim Urban is the kid with the cute face, nice voice, and stupid hair–the chicks will totally dig him. Also from the Metroplex. Oh, so he didn’t make it to the top 24 initially. Then a producer called him and asked what he’d think about coming and being on the show. And he didn’t tell his family he was back in at all. He decided to let them find out by just seeing that he made it when they aired the top 24 cut. And they all freaked out when they were watching the show. That’s kinda cute. He’s doing One Republic’s “Apologize,” a very popular Idol song these days. Ooh, what a cutie. He’s one of those camera lovers. He’s struggling with the high falsetto notes. Everything else is good, except that he’s watching the back of his eyelids a lot. Nice Ace stare at the end of the song. SIMON: We absolutely made the right decision the first time around by not putting you through, based on that performance. Vocals were weak, version was weak. You didn’t come over as a natural performer, I just don’t think your voice is good enough. You may make it through just because people are going to feel sorry for you. And if you do, you’ve really seriously gotta get this together, because that wasn’t good enough. [Ouch. And his mom looks like she’s gonna wait for Simon in the parking lot with her cast iron skillet.] KAHRA: The music overpowered you, swallowed you up. You’re better acoustic, organic. Here you were just buried. RANDY: Dawg, it was just really the wrong song. You don’t have the falsetto. The arrangement–none of it worked. It was just all wrong. ELLEN: It’s smart to choose a popular song, because people relate to you. You may get a lot of votes just because you’re adorable. SARAHK: I didn’t think he was as bad as Jermaine’s screeching. Also, I want to bake him a month’s worth of pies. Look at that sweet, sad face.

Ryan asks Kahra if she’s excited about Casey James coming up. “Who’s Casey James?” Mmmhmm.

05 Joe Munoz is next. He’s doing Jason Mraz’s “You and I Both.” I love this song. Ok, I love most songs by him. Joe is very hipstery with his little girly scarf and skinny jeans. Masculinity, where have you gone? Way too much camera love here. And the vocals are good but nothing extraordinary. And he went pitchydawg a couple of times. Meh. ELLEN: You are so comfortable on stage, aren’t you? Great stage presence, I thought you sounded really, really good. I liked it. RANDY: Yo. Not quite the perfect song choice for me for you. Singing Mraz is really tough, because he’s so stylized, but I think you worked it out. KAHRA: I like that you picked a song I never would have expected. In terms of the singing tonight, I think you’ve been the best. I’m not saying it’s the best. SIMON: Look, I kind of agree. With this show, you’ve gotta get out of the bubble. This competition can actually find stars who can sell reh-kourds all over the world. Based on that performance, I don’t believe that you’re that kind of artist. I thought it was an ok, safe, forgettable performance. You failed to show us you have the potential to be a star. It was all a bit limp, a bit forgettable….

06 Tyler Grady is doing “American Woman” by the Guess Who (also Kravitz). He’s good enough vocally, great stage ownership, he knows who he is. That said, I’m not really into the ’70s so much, and if you’re not into the ’70s, you’re not going to like him. Kind of all hair and jerky moves, not outstanding on vocals, and not his own self. SIMON: Plus side–people are going to remember that performance. Downside–partly for the wrong reasons. You come over a lot as somebody who’s gone to Pretend to Be a Rockstar School. Cliched, I don’t think you’re spending enough time on your vocals. We know your style gimmick is the ’70s, but you’re going to have to change it up a little bit, or you’ll become too predictable. KAHRA: It’s like Jim Morrison’s all over the walls in your room. It’s like an obsession with the ’70s. You’re playing too true to it, as opposed to adding something original to it. Bring it into this decade. RANDY: It definitely was style over substance. Time to change the game. ELLEN: What’s great about the people you imitate is they have so much stage presence and charisma. You’ve got all the poses but none of the charisma. Work on the singing. TYLER: I guess I’ll have to go to the mall. RYAN: Are you offended? TYLER: No, they have a right to criticize, I need that to grow. SARAHK: Oh, your halfhearted acceptance of criticism is kind of endearing, Ty Ty.

07 Lee Dewyze is next. He’s doing Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars.” Love his voice. They should have showcased him more in the early rounds. He’s a bit pitchydawg at times, but mostly he and his guitar are good. Easily the best so far. ELLEN: I thought that was a really good song choice, except when you started screaming it a little too much. But I love the tone of your voice. I hope people vote for you. RANDY: Ahh, Dawg. I didn’t like the song for you. It’s more pop rock, and you’re more of a rocker for me. SARAHK: I disagree, it was the right song. RANDY: Choose something harder like Kings of Leon. KAHRA: That song has a small range, and you tried to make it bigger. But you almost made the song unrecognizable at parts. SARAHK: Yeah, well, I’ve never heard it, so I liked it. Also, shut your pie hole. SIMON: Ok, Lee, I’m gonna completely disagree with Randy and Kahra. Because I thought this was the best performance by a mile. This guy is a naturally good singer. I suggest you find a song and do what David Cook did and completely make it your own.

08 John Park is the one Shania Twain fawned all over. He says Shania is the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in person, and if she would marry him, he would propose to her. He’s singing a standard, “God Bless the Child,” and Simon won’t like it because of “old.” Wow, he has a great lower range. Nice baritone. Good vocals, boring performance. SIMON: John, you have got to have an incredible voice to take on that song, and you haven’t. Came over as very flat and zero emotion. It was kind of a pointless performance. Copycat Michael Buble. Didn’t get it. KAHRA: I actually agree. You have a really big voice, and there was no connection. It got sleepy and almost indulgent. But you can sing. RANDY: When you hit the bridge, then the John I loved in Hollywood week came out. Not the right song. ELLEN: Yeah, that song isn’t going to get a lot of young girls to pick up the phone and vote for you. I liked the performance, I thought it sounded great, just wish it was a different song.

09 Michael “Big Mike” Lynche is next. Big sigh. They’re still playing up the “what a great family guy” angle for the guy who wasn’t there for the birth of his child. “She wasn’t due for another 8 days.” Your wife was still 9 months pregnant when you left for the auditions. Dude. You will never be a feel-good story for me. He’s doing “This Love” by Maroon 5. He’s playing guitar, but barely–I think it’s so he has something not-awkward to do with his hands. The performance… vocals are okay but feel rushed somehow, and he’s got a lot of pitch problems, especially on the chorus. Meh. ELLEN: Love your bursting personality. I thought that was a great song choice, a few little pitch problems, but it doesn’t matter because you’ve got such a great personality. SARAHK: And, you know, it’s a personality competition. Simon’s always saying that. RANDY: Dawg, you know, I gotta agree with Ellen. Agree on personality. But when you made the top 24 and picked me and Ellen up, you hurt us. KAHRA: It’s true, it was a little depressing in here until you. I think if we’d had a lot of great performances, we’d be more critical, because there were some good things about it, but it wasn’t outrageously great. SIMON: Michael, what they’re saying in a roundabout way is that you were like the support act before the main act. Big guy, big heart, but you delivered so little on that performance. It was kind of like a very vague, jazzy version. You’ve gotta nail the song and listen to you as an artist. Because you didn’t. You’ll regret it when you watch it. SARAHK: Simon is smoking much less crack tonight than last night. ELLEN says that Mike already has everyone on his side because he won them over in Hollywood week with the baby story. What planet do these Hollywood people live on? That passes as a sweet story there?

Ryan asks who Simon’s always winking at. “My girlfriend.”

10 Alex Lambert, yet another Metroplexer, is next. He was in Mary Powers’s group, so bless his little precious heart. Looks like Jason Mraz, so I’m already a fan. Doing James’s Morrison’s “Wonderful World.” I love this kid’s voice. He’s a little awkward, stage presence-wise, but all he has to do is smile with those adorable little dimples, and I don’t care that he’s holding the mic with both hands. Good performance, obvs a little nervous. SIMON: I don’t know who was happier for that to end, you or me. That was the most uncomfortable performance. You’ve got a naturally good voice, but if you can’t get your nerves together on a night like this, it’s not going to work out. You’ve got to get this back together. KAHRA: I want to give him a big hug. You sound so much like Jim Morrison. It’s all there, just not completely together. Your tone is crazy. RANDY: Do what convicts you. You’ve got a great tone, my favorite tone of voice. I really like you, so I hope you stick around. ELLEN: I like you. I like that you’re holding on to the mullet and you’re not gonna let it go, I support you in that. You’re adorable, great voice. You’re like a not-quite-ripe banana. You just need to ripen. It’s gonna get there. ALEX compliments the band and Ricky Minor. Points scored.

11 Casey James is from my hometown, Fort Worth. He’s embarrassed by all of Kahra’s attention, because she’s a big star. You are losing me, Case. He says he might sing to Kahra. He’s singing “Heaven” by Bryan Adams. Holy hubba hub, people. He’s just pretty. Great voice, but he does have a twinge of goat vibrato going on (vibaaaahto). I get like that when I’m nervous. Oh, man, that smile, those eyes. Kahra is swaying with the arms, Simon and Randy are helping her. Anyway, I thought it was great. Best so far. Get Kahra and me some fire extinguishers. KAHRA: I don’t recognize you with your shirt on. [Aside: When he took his shirt off in his audition, it almost ruined it. I hope he’s worked out since then.] It was hard for me to listen to that. I’m married, honey, I love you. I think you got a little pitchy when I was in your arms. ELLEN: It was hard for me to hear. I could feel Kahra undressing you with her eyes. Sorry about all that was going on, because it was unfair. SARAHK: Ooh. Smack! RANDY: I know we’re both models, but look. Great song choice, I like your voice, your swagger. I like you too. Not in that way. KAHRA: Seriously now, jokes aside. You are eye candy, but you are also ear candy. SIMON: One thing I do understand is that we both were cursed with good looks. You have to manage the talent thing as well. You absolutely chose the right song. Very honest, very sincere, obviously the cougar here loves you. This was the best performance from you since you’ve been in the competition. RYAN: Tomorrow is results, and Friday is Kara’s HR meeting. SARAHK: Hahahahahahaha.

12 Andrew Garcia is a stay-at-home dad. He’s doing Fallout Boy’s “Sugar, We’re Goin’ Down.” This is lovely. Nothing bad to say. Ties for 2nd best with Lee. SIMON: I was looking forward to hearing you more than anyone else tonight, but I was disappointed. Too serious, too indulgent, and not original enough. When you did the Pauler song, that to me made you really stand out. I don’t think tonight you took a risk. Really fantastic recording voice, but you’ve got to do better. [Huh.] KAHRA: Really strange rendition of that song. I like that you take those chances. I really like you and hope we see you again. RANDY: The arrangement was really strange for me. Go back to being you. I felt this was a little try-hard. ELLEN: I think doing the Paula song is going to carry you for a little while. You just kind of were inside of yourself, and then you turned to your girlfriend or wife and were fantastic. SARAHK: Maybe it helps that I don’t know the song, but I think they’re way off on him.

Here’s how I rank them. * means I would have voted if I’d watched last night.

11 Casey*
07 Lee* and 12 Andrew*
10 Alex*
02 Aaron*
08 John
01 Todrick
06 Tyler
09 Michael
05 Joe
04 Tim
03 Jermaine

Bottom three: Hmm. I think Joe and Jermaine and John. Then again, Todrick had the dreaded first spot. Hrm. Joe, Todrick, and Jermaine. Going home… Jermaine. I don’t really have a good feel for this one, so I could be way off.