24. Renee’s definitely gonna replace Jack as the show’s main badass. You heard it here first. Or tenth. I don’t know.

American Idol Denver auditions. So apparently there’s a theme this year: black female country singers. I’ve liked both of them so far. Also, the judges were kinda smoking crack on day 1 of the Denver auditions. And um… bikini boy. Yikes.

American Idol “Road to Hollywood”. LOL. “I wanna hear about your suntan” is back! Not as good as “pants on the ground,” though. Um… Beautiful Man Flower? Even if you think you’re a beautiful man flower, you should never say so, ok? Thanks.

Chuck. “You aim carefully, Bartowski. Don’t you make me a eunuch. Or else I’ll teach you the meaning of ‘an eye for an eye.’” And: “Just like Bartowski. Bring a knife to a gunfight.”

Big Bang Theory. “Did you try rebooting him?” “No, I think it’s a firmware problem.” LOL. I love that I get that joke. Also: “What are you talking about?” “Einstein.” “I’m gonna need a little more than that.” “Albert Einstein.” And: “I asked myself what’s the most mind-numbing task I could do? And I came up with three answers: toll-booth attendant, Apple Store ‘genius,’ and what Penny does.” And the end of Sheldon’s not working at the Cheesecake Factory was high-larious.

The Middle. “I cannot believe how irresponsible you are. Watch this baby.” Haha. Also: “I told you this is forty percent of your grade! This is your future!” “I know! Why do you think I’ve been working on it for the last hour?”

CSI: Horatio. When did Horatio’s son enlist? I don’t remember that at all. Also, I knew the husband did it all along. He confirmed it when he told Horatio “you have no proof of any of this.” Red flag, dude.

CSI: NY. “Now it’s all pale skin and skinny and sharp teeth and great hair.” BTW, I think this was Soap Opera Actors Affirmative Action Day on CSI: NY.

Community. “The guy never wears a shirt, he never wears shoes. How has he not died from lack of service?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. And I love the movie riffing. Also: “He’s got her in some kind of hippie collar. I can hear her armpit hair growing from here.”

Parks and Recreation. “I’m gonna haunt you. I’m gonna follow you. I’m gonna play the Black Eyed Peas on a non-stop loop.”

The Office. “Too much change… is not good. Just ask the climate.” That actually made me laugh.

LOST. Yeah, I’m more confused than ever. I think when season 6 comes out on DVD, I’ll just sit down and watch all 6 all the way through and see if I can make sense of anything. Also, it’s nice to be able to put a face on the toner monster.

House. “Maybe you self-pranked.” “I don’t masterprank.” Heh.

Bones. The bit with Booth & Bones at the beginning where they’re driving to the church is classic B&B. I love it when those two discuss religion. “The accelerant was motor oil, available at any gas station.” “At least it isn’t brimstone, available only from hell.” Also: “I’m an excellent loony bin crazy-ass sifter.” I love Sweets.

30 Rock. Hasn’t been as funny this season as the previous seasons. Still funny, but we’re not laughing as much.

Human Target. Dude. Guerrero is super-scary.

Psych. “Genesis. Exorcist. Leviathan. Deu…. the right thing.” Also, LOL at the “No Touching” sign on the wall in the interrogation room.

Fringe. So I guess they have people faking global warming data in other universes, too? Also, this is the first time I noticed the Greek letter phi on the back of the frog that sometimes takes us to commercial break. Was that always there? J.J. liked putting codes in the city names in ALIAS too. Just as I yelled at Peter, “Why don’t ya kiss her instead of talkin’ her to death?!” he went in for the kiss. Then she ran away to save the world. She’s an idiot.

Modern Family. “What’s Jagermeister?” “You know how in fairy tales there’s always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep, and then the prince comes and kisses her?” “Yeah.” “It’s like that, except you don’t wake up in a castle. You wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.”

Smallville. Man, I expected this episode to be much better, since it was a big two hour ep. It was just kind of meh, and the villain was stupid.