Tonight’s American Idol auditions are in Orlando.

Aw, a shuttle launch from the KSC! One of the few reasons I miss Florida. It’s nice that Ryan, Simon, and Randy went to Miami for R&R and left Kahra and Kristin Chenoweth on their own. I haven’t seen this ep yet, but I think Kristin would be a much better replacement for Pauler than Ellen. Love the Chenoweth.

I don’t even know how to describe this first contestant. His name is Theo Glinton. Well, I think he’s dressed like a girl. He’s either gay or trying to be the flaming gay stereotype. Low-rise girl jeans, belly shirt, super-long scarf, and then there’s his face. He’s got glitter all over it and has little mirrors and a big feather pasted around his eye like he’s a little bird or something?… He kind of yells his song, and he’s not so good.. The judges say no, and is he crying? There’s no crying in Idol auditions! Oh wait, there is. Anyway, they hug him, and the ladies tell him he doesn’t need to dress that way, and Kahra tells him he smells nice. That’ll make it all better. Uh-oh. Our first “wrong way” contestant of the season. His gay assistant is out with Seacrest. Seacrest helps him pick all of the findings off his face then says he has to go wash the glitter off his hands. Please, Ryan. You know you already had that on.

Kristin and Kahra were BFFs for the day.

Montage of bads and nos.

Seth Rollins is married w/ two kids. His son is autistic. There are things he’d like to do for his son, but he can’t afford them. His son cries when he can’t go into the audition room with dad. He sings “Someone to Watch Over Me,” and he’s pretty good. If I recall correctly, Kristin sang this on Pushing Daisies. The judges like him, and they encourage him to be more out there and exert himself. Four yeses.

Crushed dreams montage.

Jermaine Purifoy is next. Oh, he’s good. I really like his voice. And he’s singing “Smile,” which I love. The judges love him. Four yeses.

Shelby Dressel is next. She had a birth defect that has kept her smile crooked her whole life. She’s pretty in spite of not having control of her whole face. She’s singing “Turn Me On.” Ooh, nice voice. WOW. She forgot her words. Then stopped and cussed and made the judges laugh. Judges like her, aren’t blown away, think she has potential. Simon says yes “with a small y” and the other three are in, too.

Ahahahahaha! Simon runs out, and a crowd cheers for him, then the same for Randy. And Kahra runs out, and no one cares. Ok, I feel a little sorry for her. Don’t tell anyone.

Kristin was called back to New York, so no guest judge for Day Two.

Jay Stone is doing “Come Together.” He starts out with a rather long beatbox. Then he what, raps? the song. It’s definitely interesting. Kahra thinks it’s hilarious and says yes. Randy asks if he sings. He breaks into “Ain’t No Sunshine,” and he actually sounds good, but the judges are beatboxing over the top of him. Kahra is fighting for him. Simon’s a definite no, and Kahra is begging Randy, and we know it’ll be a yes. Yep, Randy’s a sucker when he’s the deciding vote.

Janell Wheeler is very good, Brittany Starr Jones is good, Kasi Bedford is kind of meh. All three are in. I would have said yes to Janell and maybe Brittany.

Cornelius Edwards is very flexible. He learned to dance from his stripper friends. He’s gonna sing “Proud Mary,” which he calls “Rollin’.” He jumps up and lands in a split. He can’t get up and says, “I done split my pants.” Simon says, “You know what? I have to say yes after that.” He gets three yeses.

Next we have Bernadette and Amanda Desimone. They live with their mom and have a hair salon in their house. They work in the salon. Bernadette says Amanda can go all the way, and when the judges ask who’s the better singer, Bernadette says they’re equally good. Bernadette is better. Amanda picks a hard song, and Bernadette is making faces like her sister is Jesus while her sister sings. They annoy the crap out of me. Randy says a reluctant yes to both. Kahra too. Simon says he would have said yes to Bernadette and no to Amanda–I would have said the same. Anyway, they’re in.

Jarrod Norrell is up next, singing “Amazing Grace.” Oooh. It’s good that God listens to our hearts and not our voices when we sing. Kahra asks what that was and if he really thinks he’s a good singer. She says he sounded like a lawnmower. They send him away, and he wants to stay. Randy tells him he can’t sing. He tries anyway, and security has to come escort him out. The bouncer comes, and he says, “I can’t leave.” He resists security and eventually gets arrested by Orlando PD. “That’s the way it’s gotta be, you gotta take me out in cuffs.” Just wow. After all that, Simon says, “Yes or no?” Haha.

Matt Lawrence had everything going for him but wanted adventure. He robbed a bank with a BB gun when he was 15. He spent 4 birthdays behind bars and ruined his life. He’s singing “Trouble.” He’s not bad. And then he gets to the chorus, and he’s good. Simon says the song felt authentic. The judges love him. Simon calls him the easiest yes he’s said today. Three yeses.

And that’s it for Orlando. Next week we’re in L.A. Tonight was boring. They should have saved the mirror/bird cross-dresser for last.