Only six teams left on this season of The Amazing Race. After last week’s meltdowny end, we’ll need some serious girl drama to top that cryfest.

So we’re starting off in Dubai. Meghan & Cheyne (whose mom must have hated him to spell his name like that) are first to start, and they’re one of my favorite teams. First they have to fly to Amsterdam. Next are the poker chicks, then the gay brothers, then the naggy beautiful one and her husband, then the pink boy and his dad, then the really tall black dudes.

Flight Time tells the whole group about taunting Mica, then the gay guys come out to the rest of the pack, and everyone’s like, duh (except the poker girls, because they really thought they were into them), y’all wear matching swimsuits, and one of you runs like a girl.

Naggy’s husband can’t get his car to go into drive once they all land in Amsterdam, so they fall behind fast. All the teams head to the statue in their clue, and then they’re directed to go to someplace called the Martini Tower or something like that. The Globetrotters are making fun of Naggy. “If we don’t know anyone else’s name on the race, we know Brian’s, because we’ve heard a lot of, ‘BRIAN!‘” Hahahaha.

AWESOME. They have to count all the bells in the carillon in the Martini Tower (roadblock). Meghan & Sam work together but get caught in the top of the tower when the carillon starts to play, and they can’t hear each other, so they get held up a bit. Pink Hair and Pink Daddy are first to finish. Meghan & Sam finish, and then when they’re leaving, Tiffany (poker) comes in, and Sam tells her the number. So she skips counting and just goes to look for the carillon player to give him her number. I wonder if she’ll get penalized for not counting. Naggy & Big Easy get stuck up top while the bells ring, too. Oh wow. Naggy gets 43, and the number is 62. She’s waaaayyy off, and they’re already the last team in the carillon tower. So now she has to start again, and she’s already tired.

The other teams are driving to find a windmill in a farming area. Now they have a detour. They have to put on Dutch costumes. In Farmer’s Game, they have to get down to their farmer’s underwear and swim across a lake, then play a game of farmer’s golf. In Farmer’s Dance, they have to do the sledgehammer thing where you try to ring the bell, then learn a dance, then eat a salted herring, which looks so very horrible. Megan & Cheyne pick the Farmer’s Game, the brothers pick Game, the father/son pick Dance, poker girls pick Dance. Naggy is now on her third count in the bell tower. The farmer’s golf is played with clogs on the ends of sticks, hitting balls bigger than croquet balls. They have three holes. Naggy goes for count #4. She’s quiet right now, so I’m starting to feel for her. No, wait. First she goes to Brian, and he has her take a break to clear her head. He’s pretty nice to her, especially considering all her yelling.

Now they bike through town to Zoutkamp Harbor, the pit stop. The brothers are done first. Meghan & Cheyne finally get the hang of it after the brothers leave to swim back. Pinky spots the part of the clue that says they have to eat fish–he doesn’t like fish, so he and dad go to do the golf. Ericka finally gets the bell count right, and Brian is so very sweet to her.

Sam & Dan jump way out in front and hit the pit stop. Meghan & Cheyne finish their swim and get dressed. Pinky/Dad swim across to do golf. The poker girls can’t smash the thing and ring the bell, so they can’t do the dance, so they leave to go golf. Globetrotters ring the bell right away and go in to learn the dance. They’re used to doing dances during their shows, so they pick up the dancing easy.

Meghan & Cheyne are team #2 at the pit stop. Brian & Ericka decide to dance, and she starts with the nagging again. The poker girls are really struggling with the golf, but they can’t ring the bell at the muscle-man thing so they have to stick with it. Flight & Big are killing it at the dance hall and finish on their first try. Then they have to eat the fish, and Big is not having an Easy time. (I apologize.) The girls decide to head back and try to do the dance, because they just can’t get the golfing. Flight & Big finish their fish, and Flight asks Big if he enjoyed it. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” Then he plays with the camera. “I said I don’t wanna talk about it! Get that camera out of my face!” Haha.

The girls decide to pause and hug it out for a minute, and they have a quiet meltdown together. After the commercial, the girls keep going on their muscle man mission. Brian & Naggy are lost, it would seem. But Brian sees the part on the clue that says they were supposed to ride bikes to their destination. Uh-oh. They’re walking it (in clogs), and I think that’s a penalty. Naggy’s feet hurt, and when Brian says his do too, she wigs on him and screeches that the least he could do is show some compassion. That girl needs a Jasper Cullen, and fast.

The Globetrotters make it to the pit stop, and Phil tells them they look ridiculous. Haha. Pinky & the Dad finish their golf. Maria continues not trying to hit the bell, and Tiffany continues almost hitting it. The Nagmistress’s knee hurts, and when Brian says he understands and his feet and back hurt, “I am not giving you any credit for that, because I’m crazy in the noggin over here.” (Well, she might as well have said that last part.)

Gary & Matt (Pink+Dad) hit the pit stop. Maria & Tiffany decide to go back to the golf again. Brian rings the bell immediately and heads inside. Their dance goes well, and they eat the herring, while the girls struggle with the golfing. It’s windy and cold, they’ve swum the lake three times, and they haven’t even finished the first hole. Meanwhile, Brian & Ericka borrow bikes from a man at the dance place and get to the pit stop, and Phil tells them they have a thirty minute penalty, which is deliciously salt-in-wound if you ask me, because they already probably incurred more than that by walking instead of biking.

The girls keep trying, but they just can’t get it done. Brian & Ericka get checked in, and eventually, the girls give up, and Phil comes to the golf course and calls them quitters. Okay, he’s Phil, so he doesn’t do that. He’s very nice, and I love him. “I understand you want to quit the race?” “We don’t want to quit the race, but we do not foresee that we’ll be able to finish this challenge.” So we say goodbye to the poker chicks.

Next week, they get to blow stuff up. Wait, is this Mythbusters?