Dang. Ryan says the results may shock me. Alice? ALICE: I’ve been saying all along that Kahra’s a werewolf, so step back, mkay?

BTW, this is American Idol. Hahahahaha. Ryan called Brad Paisley “Brad Paisey.” Country obviously isn’t his bag, folks. On the recap, I notice that Megan looks very lazy onstage. Like, yeah, whatevs, I’m up here singing. Next I’ll have a Coke and a smile.

The top 11 are singing “T-R-O-U-B-L-E,” which Ryan calls “Trouble.” Ry–you’re killing me. Scott’s at the piano, rockin’ it hard so he doesn’t have to dance, and I think that’s what they should do every week. So much less awkward. I actually enjoyed that.

Ooh! Ad for the midnight Twilight release parties, and um, yeah, I’ll totally be going to one of those… ALICE: Thank you! SARAHK: Wait, is there one near me? Oh yes, there are five. Elle, are you in? Otherwise, it’s me, Frank, and Frank’s Nintendo DS.

Oh, this time Ryan pronounces Brad Paisley’s name correctly.

Ford music video is “Here It Goes Again,” and it’s a big water balloon fight. I like it better with treadmills. Ryan lobs a water balloon at Simon and instead hits an audience member. Nice, Ry.

So they have big going away parties for the rejects, and they get to tell each other how much they love each other. And we get to watch.

Poor Michael. His 3.5 year old girl asked him why he doesn’t want to be with her anymore. That’s sad.

Danny is safe. YEE-HAW!
Lil is safe. ALICE: Kahra! Rarr!
Anoop is safe.

Out of Allison and Michael, Ryan asks Pauler who’s in the bottom three. “None of them!” By definition, three of the eleven will be. Pauler says Allison is probably the one in the bottom three. Allison is in the bottom three. Michael is also in the bottom three. SPIKE: Well well. It would appear that a certain teeny soothsayer, who shall remain nameless *cough* ALICE *cough* is only half right tonight. ALICE: Shut it, Spike. Have you met my brother Emmett? EMMETT: ‘Sup? SPIKE: You do not intimidate me. You lost to a girl at armwrestling. Pretty sure I can keep up. ALICE: Um… I have seen the future. SARAHK: And all she can say is… go back. JOHN MAHONEY: Ha! Go back! SPIKE: I’m not following any of this.

Brad Paisey sings. Wait, I mean Paisley.

In case you were wondering, Orbit Strawberry Mint gum is da bomb, dawg.

Scott is safe. Yay!
Megan (Joy) is safe.
Matt is safe.
Kris (a man, regardless of the way his name is spelled) is safe.

Alexis and Adam are standing together. LOL. RYAN: Simon called it horrific, indulgent rubbish. Simon, did you watch it back last night? Did you want to change your mind or apologize? SIMON: Absolutely not, it was even worse. No offense, Adam. You were very good last week, but it was absolutely dreadful last night.

Ryan asks Randy which is in the bottom three. Randy says that unfortunately, he thinks it’s Allison. SARAHK: Well, duh. [They correct him.] RANDY: Alexis. ALICE: He’s correct.

Alexis is in the bottom three. Turns out, what Adam did was the Jeff Buckley version of “Ring of Fire.” I’ll have to give the Buckley version a listen, as I heart him, but I still agree with Simon about Adam’s performance last night.

So now Randy Travis and Carrie Underwood are going to duet, I assume on “I Told You So.” Yes, I’m right. I love this song so hard, and Carrie’s version has been one of my favorite songs of the year. This performance… well, he’s great, and paying attention to Carrie, as he should in a duet. Carrie only pays attention to him when he’s singing. The rest of the time, she sings with her eyes closed. But whatever, it’s great. Did she chop all her hair off, or is it just pulled up under? Weird.

Michael is safe. Alexis is going home… unless the judges save her. Simon says that she was the one they considered saving of the two, so everything comes down to this performance. No pressure! She sings, tries to dirty it up more… And she has to sing while the judges are deliberating, and that has to suck. Alice? ALICE: Well, I predict that they don’t save her. SPIKE: You only predict that because we were already spoiled by one of my love’s Facebook friends. SARAHK: [shaking fist] ERIC! Bad!

So Alexis sings, and Simon tells her it’s kind of unanimous, and it was good but not good enough.

Next week, they’re on Wednesday again, because they’ve been preempted again by that man who keeps spending all my money on stupid things. Frick! I’ll have to call my massage therapist and see if she can move me to Tuesday.