Ack. There are still two auditions episodes that I haven’t watched, but I’ll just get along to Hollywood week and try to watch the others later.

From the intro, it looks like we have full-on melty-downy Hollywood week.

This…

Is American Idol. That just never gets old, does it? No, it doesn’t.

Hollywood week is at the Kodak, as if we care where they have it. 147 people made it. Simon says all they’re looking for is a star.

This year, new twist. The first ever Idol bootcamp. Stylists and vocal coaches for all. Complete with surprise mentor Barry Manilow. I’m longing for Manilow week so we can hear Copacabana. It was so awesome the last time it was done on Idol, as you will recall. (That was sarcasm.)

Lil Rounds, from the Kansas City auditions, is trying to impress the judges with Whitney. She’s good. I haven’t watched that week’s auditions yet. Pauler and Kara are doing the standy clappy thing, because that’s what chick judges do. Dennis Brigham is next up. His voice is too squeaky/whiny for me, but he does carry a tune. But at this point it’s about more than carrying a tune. This year, they divide each line into two groups again, and then if they don’t make it, they’re out, going home right off the bat. Wow, no nonsense this year. Lil and a couple of others are in, and Dennis is out. He’s out there on the stage lecturing the judges, telling them they suck as judges. Because that always makes America like you! America’s not mad, Dennis. I promise.

The half that aren’t singing today are playing in Hollywood, and yippee.

Nathaniel Marshall is up next, and I don’t remember him from the New York auditions. He sounds good but boring. The judges tell him he has a good voice but he’s boring or something. He is very gay and crying and wearing buttons in his ears. Randy, Pauler, and Kara thank him for being a big baby, and Simon is silent, because like me, he’s probably rolling his eyes so hard it hurts.

Anoop Desai is next. He has a good voice. Jasmine Murray does very well. Eee! Rose Flack is up, and just seeing that little freaky-haired blonde Rainbow Brite warms my heart. She broke down in rehearsals yesterday, wigged a bit. I want her to do well. I loved her but worry that she might have been too subdued for the judges.

Everyone in that group makes it through. Yay for Rose!

I would hate this little updo fauxhawk thing that all the guys are doing these days except that David Boreanaz does it with his hair on Bones, and I heart him, so it’s a little endearing even though it should be disgusting and make me throw things.

Stephen Fowler is next. He reminds me almost of an old standards singer. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone do Stevie Wonder well on this show. Well done. Jorge someone is next. Too Luther Vandrossy for me, but the judges are down with it. Von Smith is next. His voice is good, but the things he does with his mouth–srsly? The hand motions are terrible, I can’t take it. Wow. Von makes it through? Um, okay…

But y’all know I’m really ready for the dude whose gimmick is the blindness, because he’s one of my favorites ever. Oh my goodness. I’ve been eating this little tub of applesauce, and I’m halfway through and just realized that it is bad. As in, I’m probably going to be sick. Fun in my future, y’all.

Nick Mitchell is in character as this Richard Simmons-esque thing, and it’s a fun little comedy act, but I’m not diggin’ the singing. Very funny. If he would stop playing around, he might be good. Pauler says it would be really great to hear him sing a song all stripped down. He starts to oblige her, and she corrects herself. Wow, he makes it to the next round.

Um, people? Do your friendly snarker a huge solid, and watch Dollhouse. I’d like for it to last longer than fourteen episodes. Kthx.

Jackie Tohn is silly backstage. I kinda like her. Her rock voice is put on a bit, and she kinda reminds me of the biker chick from last year but better. I’m not 100% sold on her, but I’m ok with her. She’s through.

Jamar Rogers and his friend Danny Gokey, who lost his wife recently, are in the next group. I like Jamar–it’s the first time California Dreamin’ has been upbeat for me. Danny is good, too–very raspy on “Kiss from a Rose.” They’re both in. Good for them.

That whorish bikini girl is in Hollywood, and she’s already hanging on Ryan. She thinks Kara was rude and insecure when she showed the naked girl how to sing. She starts kissing on Ryan again, and he says, “I really can’t, because you’re the wrong sex for me.” She’s singing “Breathe,” and… srsly? That voice got through to Hollywood? Kara tells her that she had her at the beginning, and Kara was thinking she was wrong about her, and then she realized she was right about her. Simon makes claw sounds and tells Katrina that she hasn’t received fair criticism from the girls. Randy likes her too. Are they deaf? She sucks so hard! And… she makes it to the next round. I’m baffled at the power of the penis. Kara tells her to bring her pole tomorrow. If she actually makes it to the voting? I’m out.

Jeremy Michael Sarver, from Jasper, Texas, the roughneck, is totally on. Jesus Valenzuela is fine, I suppose. I’m really into the coffee house voices these days, so I’m just not into most of these guys. Jeremy is in.

LOL. We didn’t see the Super Bowl the other night, so this is my first time to see the Alec Baldwin Hulu commercial. Love it.

Where is the blind guy? I love his voice so much. Did he make it? Why no spotlight? I want to know if he made it!

David Osmond is on stage, and it appears he did well. Erika Wesley good too. Emily Wynne-Hughes (tattooed punky girl) rehearsed one song, a standard, and on stage, she sings a No Doubt song. The judges are really disappointed. David (yay!) and Emily make it through. Erika is the only person from her group who didn’t make it, and she’s begging for another shot. They really lose me when they beg.

Alexis Grace made it. Adam Lambert, too. 104 contestants are in for tomorrow, which is Group Day. The day when everyone melts down. I can’t wait.

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