Certainly beats Jeremiah Wright night. Funny, ever since that video came out this week, I just can’t listen to “Your Racist Friend” by They Might Be Giants without thinking of Barack and his racist friend.

Our DVR tuned in just in time for the end of “9 to 5.” Was that a medley, or just the one song? I must know. Tell me. Anyway, Jason must have borrowed Paula’s “Coke” glass tonight, because did you see him jumping around all crazy and high? Oh, and Carly totally should have sung “9 to 5″ last night.

LOL, Frank just said that with the red pants and the black top, Carly looks like a poisonous insect. This is why I married him, kids.

Blue velour or Urinals of Steel, those are the two choices.

Awesome, Michael is wearing a Dolly Parton t-shirt. Just her face on a t-shirt. I heart him. He’s safe! Hooray!

David Archuleta. I predict the little tweenies saved him. I’ll just blerg in advance. He’s safe. Ok, I’ll blerg after the fact too.

Wow, Carly is wearing half sleeves! Thank you, Carly. Ryan tells her she’s no stranger to the bottom three. She totally falls for it. I don’t. She’s safe and super happy, and finally, there’s her husband. I think he always hides from the camera, but he shouldn’t. It’s more important that people know you’re supporting your wife, dude, than for you to worry about your tats.

Inane Questions(TM). What does Syesha miss most about home? Her normal-person earrings. David Cook, if you could succeed at any other talent, what would it be? He’d be organized. Married Brooke is leaning in his direction, which is weird. I can’t tell if she’s cozying up against him or trying to get fah fah away from Michael. Either way, I’m uncomfortable. Randy, is there anyone you haven’t worked with before? “I’d love to do a song with whoever wins American Idol this year!” So no, he’s worked with everyone. Simon, why do you find it necessary to apologize after giving a negative critique? Simon likes her. “Mary, I like you! You’re right, I should never apologize for doing it, and I’ll never do that again.”

So now, since it’s country week, some kids called The Clark Brothers are singing “This Little Light of Mine,” a VBS song. And trying to sing it all serious and bluegrassy, and it’s a VBS song. A happy VBS song. “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine. Won’t let Satan Pffft [blow] it out, I’m gonna let it shine… so on… Hide it under a bushel, NO! I’m gonna let it shine…” Anyway, I’m just wondering, but when did country week become Jesus week? Anyway, the brothers. One on guitar, one on a steel guitar (not lap), and the other — is that a mandolin? It’s a freaking AWESOME mandolin.

“It’s Tricky” is the Ford music video.

Ryan asks Carly if she and Simon made up last night. “Noooo, he hosn’t sayd sorray, and appairentlay he never wail.”

David Cook went to the hospital last night as a precaution because of his “high blood pressure.” If you have high blood pressure that young, you need to change your diet. And take yoga and/or get massages. He’s safe.

Ramiele is in the bottom three.
Sleepy is in the bottom three. I’m two for two. If Brooke’s in the bottom three, you may kiss my feet. Not for her being boring last night, but for my mad prediction skillz.

Bo Bice, Pennywise the Stacy, Bucky Covington. All call Nashville home now. Bucky says that now you don’t have to win the show to go on and have an album. Amen, look at Kellie Pickler. Even the tone-deaf can realize their dreams. We’ll skip Pennywise, since I have nothing nice to say about him and the way he missed the birth of his baby to audition for Idol. Bo Bice. His second album is out now, and it’s southern rock. He talks about how it’s different from The Real Thing (I heard one track and didn’t want it, because I liked Bo as a rocker, not as a popster) because he’s gotten back to his southern rock roots. In other words, Idol made him do the first one, and now he’s back to normal. Then Bo goes on to say that he’s so proud to be a part of the AI alumni and that there’s no doubt people wouldn’t know his name if not for Idol, so he’s really proud and grateful. SARAHK: Awwww. He appreciates us. That makes me want to go buy his album. FRANK: That’s his strategy. You fell for it. SARAHK: Totally.

Syesha is safe.

So it’s down to Brooke and Jason. I am not nervous, because I know it’s Brooke, and Jason will be safe. Brooke will be the first one sent back to safety out of the bottom three. Brooke is still lecturing Simon about dissing the violin player. Like she’s his nanny. “Now Simon. You hurt Nanny Brooke’s feelings, so you need to sit in the corner until you apologize to the world for being yourself, okay? It’s okay? It’s okay?” Simon decides he has to apologize to everyone. Carly, the fiddler, Pauler, the audience. Simon takes the time to tell Carly he was only trying to help, because there should be a fashion progression and he’s not seeing it with her, and she’s very cute so she needs to dress better.

Simon says America got it absolutely right. I’d prefer David A with Sleepy and Ramiele, but whatevs. By the way, Brooke’s in the bottom three, so you may kiss my feet.

Oh good. Gloria Estefan and Mariah Carey will perform at Idol Gives Back. Hmm, I think I have to wash my hair that night.

Fast forwarding through all the sadness. No offense to the precious little children, but we get it: they need help. We’ll do it, k?

Dolly Parton is singing “Jesus and Gravity” off her new Backwoods Barbie album. Look at that body (no, I’m talking from the waist down). I hope I look that awesome when I’m sixty-two. At the end: “Hallelujah, Simon! How are ya?” Even Simon stands for the ovation. He’s smiling, winking… You just can’t help it with Dolly. Ryan asks if Simon can come back into Dollywood. “Oh yeah. We’ll let him in. I’ve got Jesus. You’ve got Simon.” Ryan: “I think I got the short end of the stick.” Dolly just keeps talking and talking because she can. About how much she loves the show, loves Jesus, loves Simon and Paula and Randy. She’s just precious.

Brooke looks like she’s been crying.

Who does Randy think is out? Ramiele. Simon? “It’s not gonna be Brooke.” They should never give her an opening to talk, because she just rattles on about her life philosophy and all the things that make her go boo-hoo. Brooke is safe. Kristy is safe and sleepy. Ramiele is out. She’s crying enough for herself and Danny Noriega. I’m sorry, Rami. Some people just weren’t likin’ it.

Well. Y’all can just pucker up and bow down. Because I’m awesome.