So apparently this episode is the best and worst auditions from all over the country. Space filler. I hope this means they’re doing two episodes of Hollywood week.

They show a couple of the worst, and I’m bored with that by now.

Amy Davis is the first viable contestant on this show. She needs work on her voice, but she’s pretty good. Just needs work. The judges agree with me.

Tiffany McCampbell is next. The Big H.S. Himself has just told her to sing. This is why people think we Christians are cuh-razy. For the record, I don’t believe that the H.S. would tell me to audition for American Idol, and I have never heard the H.S. speak to me except through the Word of God. Just in case y’all were wondering. Anyway, she’s not good.

Okay, I want to hear from you. Are there anyway depraved individuals out there who actually watch Moment of Truth? Who are you?

Um. Next are twins, Corey and Chris Lane. One of them is dating this one girl, and the other one used to date her, and she has a fluffy dog. One of them is trying to rap (they are really hung up on the Brittenum twins and are singing a song all about them) while the other provides the background. The rapping one keeps forgetting the words and just says, “Aight. Uh. Yeah. It’s like this,” and crap like that over and over. And then when he remembers the words, it’s lame. They’re very white and rapping in twin yellow polo shirts, did I mention?

So the girlfriend is next. Ashley Lawing is next. She’s shocked that the boyfriends didn’t get through. She has a fluffy tiny Pomeranian puppy, and immediately Simon asks for the dog, because he loves dogs. He practically grabs Panda (the dog) out of Pauler’s hands. He threatens to steal her dog, and she says that as long as Simon puts her through to Hollywood, he can have whatever he wonnnts. She looks and acts like Kellie Pickler, no compliment coming from me. Simon still kissy-facing with the dog. And she starts singing, and I never thought I’d say it: She’s worse than Pickler. Almost waaaay worse. Outside, the soon-to-be ex-boyfriends are telling the camera that they don’t think she can sing, but they told her she can so she’d audition and they don’t think she’s very good. What little snots, she should break up with them. Simon: “Can I be honest with you?” Ashley: “No…” Simon: “It was excruciating.” She’s just shocked. Simon tells her to please not take it out on the dog.

Cardin Lee McKinney is from Nashville. She’s singing a song from Dreamgirls. She is very affected. Great voice, but she needs to stop trying to be other people and just sing. Decide who she wants to be, not whom she wants to be like.

JoAnne Borgella is next. She is a plus-sized model. Wow, she’s gorgeous, and she has kind of a Queen Latifah smile. She’s singing Celine Dion’s “I Love You.” She has a great voice, but her pronunciation needs work. I didn’t think I could understand a song less than when Celine sings it, but I was wrong. Anyway, she’s through (w/o Simon’s vote).

Alesha Stelzl is next. Singing “Surrender” by Celine. What. is. that? She sounds like a cross between Britney Spears and Mickey Mouse. And now Randy is saying she sounds like Dolly Parton. Simon (like me) is baffled and tells her to go learn a Dolly Parton song and come back. She doesn’t know Dolly Parton songs. I’m not sure she’s ever heard any songs. She learns a little bit of “Islands in the Stream” and sounds pretty bad. Pauler and Randy put her through, and Simon (after she leaves the room) says that they were right. Whatevs, dudes.

This next guy calls himself J-Smoove or something like that. Real name Joshua Moreland. After his retarded introduction, during which I became quite sure that he would suck, I was surprised that he could sing. And then he got to that ultra-high Mariah Carey range and ruined it all. That’s fine, I would have have bored of him during Hollywood week. Oh, and in the process of auditioning, he threw confetti and/or broken glass all over the audition floor. Simon asks Pauler to go clean it up. Then when the sweeper girl comes over to sweep up the confetti, Simon goes out and gets Ryan and asks him to do it. Ryan patronizes the girl, so Simon decides he will sweep the mess up. It’s very funny. I love him. “Are the cameras off now? It’s all yours.”

Chikezie Eze auditioned last year and didn’t make it through to Hollywood, because Randy wasn’t feeling him. He has a good voice. He’s in.

Danny Noriega is last. He’s this tiny little twig, and I don’t expect good things from him, especially since he’s singing “Proud Mary,” and I am surprised. Great voice. I love it. Three yeses.