Seriously, how many people on the planet still watch 60 Minutes? When football goes long, they really just need to cut past the geezers.

Starting in L.A. at the Playboy mansion.

Mariana & Julia - sisters from Miami.
Ronald & Christina - father / daughter from Tacoma, WA.
Kynt & Vyxsin - dating goth couple from Louisville, KY.
Nicolas & Donald - 23 yo airline pilot and his grampa.
Nathan & Jennifer - dating two years from Huntington Beach, CA. Oh, joy. He’s cheated on her, so they have trust issues.
Azaria & Hendekea - brother & sister engineers from NOLA.
Lorena & Jason - dating couple from L.A.
Kate & Pat - um, lesbian ordained ministers (”married”). Must be Episcopalian? Yep. Priest and deacon.
Ari & Staella - best friends & coworkers. Ari’s kind of a diva.
Shana & Jennifer - friends from L.A. They intend to flirt and use their bodies to win. They wanna be whores! I’m sure I’m gonna *love* them.
TK & Rachel - newly dating from SoCal.

Eleven legs. Eight pit stops are elimination points. Ready, set, go!

Awesome, they’re flying to Shannon, Ireland!

Everyone is honking at Nicolas & Donald, because they’re the front car, and Nicolas is very slooooowly preparing to drive while Donald very sloooowly counts the money.

For the record, Frank and I think they need to take the whole airplane booking thing out of the race. It seems like (from the one season we’ve watched) half the eliminations are due to missed flights or booking limitations. I don’t know how to fix it, but it’s only my job to point out the annoyances, not to make constructive suggestions.

Lorena & Jason, one of the teams from L.A. is first on the plane. Shana & Jennifer are next, then Kate & Pat. Nathan & Jennifer are next. Then Mariana & Julia, the last people on the bus from the parking lot. Everyone else looks stuck out, including the people who got on the bus first. So exciting!

The other teams will be forty-five minutes behind on the second flight. Azaria & Hendekea and Ronald & Christina are online with a borrowed laptop at the airport, looking up info on their first stop. They call and reserve two cabs for when they land at the airport.

The first flight is delayed leaving London. The second flight arrives first in Shannon. So Ari & Staella are first, because they stole one of the cabs that the other teams booked before the flight. Ronald & Christina are still able to get a cab, though. A&H are in 2nd. The Miami sisters and TK & Rachel are next.

Haha, A&H are now in first, Ron & Chris passed Ari & Staella, and they’re now in third. Ari is a snot, and his voice is already grating on me.

They’re all looking for the smallest church in the world, a teeny little stone building. It’s raining. They’ve all taken a ferry, they’re on foot running through the rain, looking fahr tha wee lettle chehrch.

Nathan & Jennifer are hilarious. Here’s how it goes.
NATHAN: You’re the worst Amazing Racer EVER! You’re SO UN-AMAZING!
JENNIFER: Shut up, I hate you! You know I can’t sprint much!
NATHAN: All the other girls…
JENNIFER: I HATE YOUR GUTS! I DON’T CARE! DON’T COMPARE ME TO OTHER GIRLS, EVER, YOU LYING, CHEATING B*ST*RD! SHUT UP!

It’s like me and Frank playing Wii, except without the lying and cheating. Jennifer is already questioning this whole relationship.

This TAR looks like such fun for hikers! Ari is calling everyone b*tches just because they’re not him. Oh, and now that they’ve signed into the ferry list, Nate has decided that he once again loves Jen.

The bimbos want to cry because they’re on the last ferry with the lesbians.

First ferry to the mainland is Lorena & Jason, TK & Rachel, Kynt & Vyxsin. I’m not annoyed by any of these teams. They kinda seem to be well-adjusted and not slow. As much as I want to be able to root for the old man / young person teams, they just look like they’re kinda floundering around. But it’s early early.

Second ferry is Ari & Staella, Nathan & Jennifer, and Azaria & Hendekea. Last ferry carries Kate & Pat, Mariana & Julia, the Bimbos, Ronald & Christina, and Donald & Nicolas.

Now they have to drive 42 miles to Cleegan Farm and ride a tandem bike along a muddy trail to their next clue. Lorena & Jason are lost already, and Lorena is losing it because Jason won’t listen to her. She’s getting super-whiny, and remember when I said well-adjusted? I take it back. Jason’s all calm and collected, both are sure they’re correct, and I expect waterworks from the navigation seat at any moment.

Oh, dang. I just realized I didn’t post at the first commercial break. I saved, thinking I was publishing. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to liveblog! This is what happens when so many shows have spring-only seasons.

Lorena & Jason have asked for directions, and Lorena was right after all. “I feel like we’re not communicating, which is our problem in real life.”

Ari & Staella seem to have a broken bike chain.

The first roadblock is: One teammate pedals a high-wire bike across the North Atlantic, and the other one hangs below. That actually looks like so much fun, and I’m the last person who would say that. Oh, crap. The bikes sway! Ok, it doesn’t look fun anymore.

TK & Rachel are first. Now they have to fill a donkey’s basket with fifteen pieces of peat. Wow, what a view from the high-wire bikes! Vyxsin & Kynt are next, then Nathan & Jennifer. Nate & Jen beat the goths to the clue. Azaria & Hendekea are next on the bikes, followed by Ari & Staella. I was hoping Ari would fall off in the ocean. You know, just long enough so they’d reach the pit stop last. The goths are having issues with their donkey. Jason & Lorena are finally on their way to the roadblock.

LOL, they’re having like a full-out donkey fight (Ari & Staella). Their donkey is kicking. The goths pass them and Nate & Jen as Nate screams at his donkey. Finally, the donkey starts screaming back, and that goes on for awhile. This is excellent. “I’m a donkey!” I’m not sure who’s yelling that, Nate or the actual donkey.

Nate says he and Jen have the most stubborn donkey in the world. Maybe Lorena should yell at him. “I FEEL LIKE WE’RE NOT COMMUNICATING!”

TK & Rachel (apparently they’re called the Hippies) have had basically no issues with their donkey, so they’re going 13 miles to the Connemara Heritage Center. Frank says it’s probably a really big bar. Somehow the Engineers have made it into second place. The Goths are in third and on their way to the pit stop. Meanwhile, back at I’m-a-donkey-land, Jason & Lorena are passing Nate & Jen. Nate’s like, “This is gonna cost us the race!”

The Engineers are first to the pit stop. They win a trip for two to Alberta. Ooh, that does look pretty. The Goths are second. It’s so funny to hear Kynt talk, because he has such a hick accent. Under all that makeup and hair. And don’t forget the insanely hot pink stripes. The Hippies are third.

The last ferry’s passengers have finally made it to the ride over the ocean. LOL, Donald & Nicolas and Ron & Christina have passed Ari & Staella and also Nate & Jen. Both of the latter teams are just tugging on the donkeys and yelling at them. Christina says she is surprised to see how Ari & Staella are treating their donkey. “Donkeys have souls, too.” No, but they are living creatures and should be treated with respect.

I notice no team has tried to Donkey Whisper their ass. That’s the first thing I would try. “Shhttt,” and a couple of snaps.

The Bimbos are in last place, right behind the Lesbians.

Lorena & Jason are fourth to the pit stop. Kate & Pat have passed someone. Ari & Staella are now in last place, behind the Bimbos. Whoa, their donkey is running for them, and they’ve moved into 6th place past Nate & Jen.

Nicolas & Donald are 5th to the pit stop. Jen: “We’re gonna lose because of this donkey.” No, probably because of the yelling and being mean!

The Bimbos are 6th to the pit stop. And Nate & Jen have finally thought to push the donkey. And he’s moving! “That donkey was soooo stubborn!” It couldn’t be a problem with them.

Ron & Christina (Team Who’s Your Daddy) are 7th, and Team Sappho are 8th to the pit stop. Mariana & Julia are 9th, and Nate & Jennifer are 10th. Ari & Staella have somehow finally made it to the pit stop. And they have been eliminated from the race. I won’t miss Ari. Didn’t really get to know Staella at all, because Ari was too busy squealing over everything.

So far I really like Team Goth.

Woo! What a gripping and funny premiere!

Next week, Ron & Christina have their first major issue.

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