Mick looks like he has liver failure. The whites of his eyes are yellow, and he looks like he’s in significant pain. Flash to him biting Beth’s neck and Noir Mick narrating that sometimes the one thing you need to save your life is the one thing that would make life unbearable. Well, Mick, I guess your only choice is to die, then. Noir Mick says he’s in No-Star Motel Hell near death. I wonder if this will be one of those “72 hours earlier” things. Nope. Only 21 hours earlier.

And here we have yet another shot of Mick drinking blood. That’s definitely getting old. We get it. He needs blood. He’s a vampire. Move along to another plot device, please, before my stomach makes me stop watching. Kthx. Noir Mick says humans can make their own blood, but vampires have to beg, borrow, or work it into the budget. Well, humans have to beg, borrow, or work our own food into the budget, so your problem is no different than ours. Except that you’re limited as to number of places you can shop. But so are those of us with food allergies and intolerances (kinda like you have, Noir Mick); I have to go to the health food stores at least once a week, and you have to make special trips to the morgue. Well, at least you don’t have to stand in line at the grocery store.

On Buzzwire, Beth is reporting that arms dealer Amir Fayed’s trial is nearing an end and that Deputy DA Lindsay (she leaves out the part about the two of them shacking up) has his hands full to get a conviction. At Beth’s, she and Josh are watching her report, and he notes her lack of confidence in him. She’s like, “I was overcompensating, because I didn’t want to start rambling about how hot you are.” She also wants to know what Josh has cooked up for Monday, the last day of the trial. He says nothing, she says he’s been making a lot of late night calls, and he jokes that maybe he’s cheating on her. She says, in good SarahK fashion, “Who would cheat… on this?” She says he wouldn’t be this cool if he didn’t have an ace, and she asks if he has a secret witness.

Flash to secret witness in the safehouse. She’s a teenage or early-twenties girl, and she hears club music and wants to go clubbing. She also hears helicopters. Her officers tell her no, and she takes her tabloid mag to bed and calls someone with the cellphone she stole off one of the cops. Out in the living area, there’s a knock on the door, and a pothead is asking something about PPV. Eventually, he fires through the peep hole, killing cop #1. Cop #2 goes into the witness’s room and tells her to get out. He gets killed fending off the attacker, and she ends up cutting her hand but getting safely out a window.

Noir Mick says that some people aren’t meant to be together, such as him and Beth. Because of her boyfriend and his issues with trusting women (wives that turn their husbands into vampires really ruin it for the rest of us!). Anyway, his whole point is that when Beth calls him, he always picks up. Whaddaya know, Beth is on the phone! He hasn’t heard from her in a week, ever since he told her his vampire wife story. She and Josh come over to Mick’s place. Mick looks so amused to have Josh there. Josh has an emergency and wants to hire Mick to find his witness, who has gone missing. “Don’t the cops work for you?” Yes, but there’s a leak somewhere so he needs someone outside the system. He makes special note that he had to drag Beth there–she didn’t want him to drag Mick into this. I’m sure that’s exactly what Mick wanted to hear–that Beth had to be dragged to see him. Mick wants to know about the witness.

The witness, Lenny Hayes (is that a girl’s name?), was the nanny for Amir Fayed’s daughter. She’s smart. She saw Fayed murder one of his guys, Name Unimportant (it’s Jack, but who cares?). She’s been in a safehouse in Hollywood (well, there’s your problem) for the last month and the safehouse was hit last night. Josh wants Mick to find her. He takes Mick and Beth to the safehouse. It is swarming with investigators, due to the two dead cops, one of whom tells Mick that the cops were good guys. They usually are, sweetheart. I would expect you to tell me if they *weren’t* good guys, but otherwise, we can just go on the assumption that they *were* unless we hear shady things about them. The cop who says they were good guys would have taken over an hour later and been dead herself. She wants to find the evildoer! Josh tells her to leave and that Mick is none of her business.

Josh says there must have been a couple of shooters. Mick says there was only one, and the smoke bomb was his helper. Mick says there’s no estrogen in the blood, so it’s not Lenny’s blood. Josh finds Mick “interesting.” That’s what people say about bad food. Josh says she would have had to go through the kitchen and down the back stairs. Mick says she didn’t go that route, because there were bullets flying in that direction. He finds where she went out the window and cut her hand. While Josh is distracted, Mick drops a couple of floors to the ground. He finds a blood trail that ends behind a dumpster.

Ok, wait. Josh says that Lenny must have left in the truck of one of the officers. It’s a lo-jacked car, and Josh can get a warrant for the records. So… cop vehicle… most likely police issue… and they need a warrant? Seriously, that’s retarded. Josh tells Mick it’s the best he can do. When Josh walks off, Beth and Mick start talking. They agree that the warrant will take way too long and that Josh is useless. Beth gets someone on the phone and tells him to tap into the lo-jack of the car registered to that cop. Ok, so it was his own vehicle. Which begs the question: why didn’t he have a police-issue car?

Beth and Mick find the truck and then go for a stroll to figure out why it is where it is. Mick asks what Beth’s deal is with Josh. She starts trying to explain their relationship, and he’s like, not that kind of deal, dummy. But I guess we know what’s on your mind! Beth’s deal with Josh on the case is quid pro quo. Josh is really worried about the leak and thinks his calls are being tapped, and Beth is his liaison to Mick. In return, Beth will get the story of Lenny’s safe recovery. Mick is holding a folder over his head, because it’s sunny. Mick thinks there’s a conflict of interest with Beth getting stories from her DA boyfriend. But she says she’s been getting that deal forever, so it’s ok. Well, as long as you’ve been doing it a long time, that makes it right.

Mick is having trouble in the sun and has to take a break. He says that any sunlight is too much. She’s glad Mick told her about his wife turning her even though it was a lot to process.

They find a house that has Lenny’s blood under the doormat (spare key), and they find a gun missing from a gun case and bloody bandages on the floor. The mail says that it’s the house of the man Fayed killed. Mick finds pictures that show that Lenny and the dead guy were in love. Beth thinks she kept that a secret so her testimony wouldn’t seem biased. From mail and pictures, they figure out that Lenny was going to a cabin in Victorville. They find out the bus times (because the last number she dialed on the phone was the bus station). Mick says they’re going their separate ways now, because it could be dangerous since Lenny is scared and has a gun, plus Beth is the contact between him and Josh. Beth says it’s fun being on the hunt with him, and Mick agrees that it’s a great thrill ride… that sometimes ends in terrible screams and bloodshed. Beth looks all warm and fuzzy over that. Beth tells Mick they make a good team. He leaves.

Mick is waiting in Victorville for Lenny when she gets off the bus. She goes straight to the vending machine, and he follows her. He tells her she has a problem, and she pulls the gun on him. He says he’s there to protect her, and she doesn’t believe him, and when the bus’s brakes fire, she freaks and accidentally shoots him in the kidney or liver or somewhere else really really bad to be shot.

Noir Mick says that when he gets shot, it really hurts, even though it doesn’t last long. He tells Lenny she missed him, and she has to trust him, because if he wanted to kill her, she’d be dead. Just once, I’d like to see a character say, “If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead,” and then kill the person five minutes later and say, “Psych!” Mick gets her to go to a diner with him.

Beth is in Josh’s office, and another DDA walks in to see Josh. It’s Max from GH! I suspect he’s the leak, just because I know him. He jokes around with Beth and tells Josh that one of the dead guys used his cell phone last night, right before the hit, to call another cell phone paid for by Fayed. I’m guessing this is the phone call Lenny made. But why call someone in Fayed’s organization? Is she stupid? Josh and Beth look shocked, and DDA Max says he reckons that the dead cop called in the hit on the safehouse and was a dirty cop on the take who didn’t expect to be one of the bagged-and-tagged at the end of the attack. Now I *really* suspect DDA Max. Yeah, Max says, “Looks like the leak’s been plugged.” Josh isn’t sure about that, and DDA Max says, “You think there was more on the force?” I think DDA Max is trying to steer suspicion away from the DA’s office. Josh calls for a warrant, and DDA Max leaves.

Noir Mick says that when he gets thirsty, he starts to see blood everywhere. We get it, Mick, you need blood. He and Lenny are in the diner. Lenny was Fayed’s daughter’s nanny and heard an argument upstairs while she was getting water for the daughter. This was the night Fayed found out the dead boyfriend was talking to the cops. Fayed just lost it and shot Jack dead. She says she couldn’t scream, she was frozen, and Mick says that probably saved her life. She thinks Mick is trying to trick her into testifying, and he’s like, “Huh? You went to the DA, you wanted to testify.” Yes, Mick, but girls are fickle. Lenny says she got Jack killed. He was a good guy, trying to go straight for Lenny. Mick suddenly hears a second heartbeat along with Lenny’s and realizes she’s pregnant. She’s protecting her baby.

Josh and Beth show up at Fayed’s with a slew of cops. Beth has to wait outside while Josh and his crew search the house for the cell phone. Beth sees a little girl drawing on the patio outside with those wretched giant chalk sticks. Seriously, I’m not ever gonna tell our kids they exist. I don’t know why, but when I see chalk scribbles on the sidewalk, I turn up my nose and curl my lip. I think it’s because they’re always in pastel colors.

Mick calls Beth to tell her he’s with Lenny. He tells Beth she’s pregnant, and she says that Mick has to handle her carefully. She gives the phone to Josh, who tells Mick that Victorville PD will be there within the hour. He first asks DA Max what he thinks about the V-ville cops, and DA Max says they’re good folk. DA Max is most definitely the leak. Mick tells Josh he doesn’t need an escort and is better on his own. He hangs up on Josh.

Mick follows Lenny into the girls’ bathroom, where she’s been puking. She says if her baby’s a boy, maybe she’ll call him Mick, and Mick says she should call him Jack. I mean, duh. Lenny starts to waffle, and Mick says if she’ll come with him, he’ll protect both her and her baby. They leave the diner.

In Fayed’s house, Josh tells Fayed’s men to put all their cell phones on the table, ringers on. Beth meets Mara, Fayed’s daughter, and tells Mara that Lenny’s safe. Mara knows. Inside, Josh calls the phone number that was called from the safehouse. He’s surprised when he hears no ringers go off. Outside, Mara’s cell starts ringing, and Beth asks if she can answer it. She sees that it’s Josh and answers. Beth tells Josh not to say anything and lets him know that Lenny called the phone last night from the safehouse.

A squad car pulls up outside the diner, and I think the deputy that gets out of the car is the pothead from the safehouse. He’s wearing a heavy jacket, and it doesn’t appear to be cold. He comes into the diner and tells Mick he’s the police escort, and Mick is suspicious right away. He comments on the heavy jacket. Meanwhile, Josh realizes he still has a leak, and Beth can’t get Mick on the phone, because Mick doesn’t have a signal. It’s all about the phones this episode.

Back at the diner, Mick tells the “escort” that he’ll go retrieve the girl from the bathroom and that the fake cop should wait there. Fake cop goes into the bathroom, and Mick and Lenny are not in there. They’ve gone out the window and stolen the police car. It’s weird, because when the guy parked, the front right quarterpanel of the car said “sheriff,” but the whole right side of the car they’re stealing says “police” in big, bold letters. I thought sheriff’s office and police department were two separate things? I know I’m right. But did they switch and use two different cars for one scene, or did they just label it in silly fashion?

Mick still can’t get a signal. He does spot a helicopter in his side mirror. It launches a missile at them, and Mick sends the girl out of the car (after the near miss), rigs the gas pedal, and jumps out too. They hide under sparse desert shrubbery, and the helicopter blows up the car. And now Mick is in the middle of the desert in the heat of the day. Real smart, Vampire.

Mick checks his iPod (seriously, it looks like an iPod) for a signal again. They take off away from the road as they hear police approaching. Josh gets word that the police have found the fiery car scene, and he tells Beth that it looks like they’re dead. Beth doesn’t take it well. “Dead? But how will I dump you for the vampire if Mick’s dead?” The car being in flames confirms the death for Beth. Beth says that Mick didn’t talk to anyone but Josh and Beth, and she tells Josh he must find the leak in his own office and take care of it.

Noir Mick survived the Battle of the Bulge when he was still human; it was so cold, and he thought it was hell. But he was wrong, because hell is apparently in the desert in the middle of the day.

It depends on the desert and whether you have plenty of food and water. Shade is good, too.

Mick says if he can’t get blood any other way, he’ll have to feed on Lenny, because he won’t be able to stop himself. But Lenny spots that motel that they used in that miniseries, “The Lost Room.” Whew. Inside the room, Lenny tells Mick to lie down, and he tells her to get a ton of ice from the ice machine. He jumps into a very old bathtub and tuns on the cold water. His eyes are yellow. Lenny doesn’t actually think there will be ice in the ice machine, so she’s pleasantly surprised when there is. When Lenny brings the ice, Mick tells her to keep trying for a signal and to call Beth. He eyes her neck and tells her to get out of the room and call Beth.

Lenny calls lonely, mop, crying Beth and tells her that Mick had to walk though a lot of heat to get to the motel. Beth leaves for the motel. Mick has a dream that when Lenny tells him Beth is coming, he feasts on Lenny. He realizes he didn’t attack her and yells at her to get out. And I’ve gotta say, those ice cubes are hi-larious. Perfectly square, perfectly white, perfectly plastic. Because, you know, they’ve gotta not melt in the water around the hot guy, so that we’ll remember later that he’s in an ice bath. If the ice melts, we’ll forget there was ever ice in the tub.

In the motel, we’re back at the opening scene where Mick is dreaming about feasting upon Beth. LOL. Noir Mick: “What do you get when you put a vampire in the desert? Maybe no more vampire.” I was hoping for a punchline, and I got, “Maybe no more vampire.” He could have said, “A really hot vampire,” because, you know, he looks like Mike Modano. He could have said, “Dracula Attackula.” Ok. That was lame, but srsly. “Maybe no more vampire”? I turned to Frank and cracked. up. at this.

Josh calls DA Max and Graveyard Shifter to tell them that Mick and the witness are safe. Graveyard Shifter is most pleased, but DA Max is silent and pensive. Graveyard Shifter is asking all the questions about what happened, so I think we’re supposed to suspect her. But no, Max was not relieved to hear the happy news. Josh says that Victorville PD will babysit tonight and that Mick is debriefing them now. He’s looking for reactions.

Beth shows up at the motel, and Lenny (just a reminder: Lenny is a girl) shows her into the bathroom, where Mick and the cockroaches are hanging out. Lenny thinks Mick is dying. Good eye! Mick is hallucinating and tells Beth that he bit Lenny, but he’ll die before he feeds on her. Mick tells Beth to protect Lenny, and Beth says, “You’re dying.” Yeah, I think that’s why he’s telling you to protect Lenny, Beth. Beth volunteers her blood, and she tells him she wants to be his dinner. Noir repeats the question from the beginning of the episode about making life unbearable. Beth tells Mick that she knows he won’t kill her or try to turn her. Yes, Beth, because when vampires are starving, they have so much control once they get going. She gives him her arm, and he tells her that at some point, she’ll have to stop him. He bites her, and she looks all warm and fuzzy.

Evil Pothead Crazy Killer shows up at the motel.

Josh is following his team members around, spying on them. He sees and hears DA Max telling someone that Victorville PD has the girl until 0600 tomorrow. DA Max starts saying that with March Madness and all, he got in over his head, and a guy told him there was a way to make it better. Oh, well, as long as you’re a traitor and a murderer abettor to pay off your gambling debts that come from your lack of self-control, that makes it all better. Josh punches DA Max. Oooh, don’t let Sonny or Jason find out, Josh, or they might have you whacked.

Beth is looking pale, and her wrist is all bandaged when she comes out of the bathroom. She doesn’t see Lenny and calls for her. Evil Pothead Crazy Killer comes up from behind and pulls a gun on Beth. Mick comes out of the bathroom and breaks his neck, because he’s feeling so much better. Lenny comes out of the closet or another room and hugs Mick. Beth’s wrist hurts.

Fayed’s in jail, and Beth’s arm is getting better. She plays it off to Josh as a klutz thing. Josh tells Beth they make a pretty good team. That’s what she said to Mick. Hey, I wonder if next will be a scene of Mick drinking blood out of a glass.

Mick is in his apartment. Beth knocks. He goes to the door and hugs it. She hugs the outside of the door. She finally goes away and Noir Mick says in his head that he puts her in danger, so it has to stop. Suuuure it does.