Chapter Three: Kindred.

Peter asks Irish O’Irish what he needs to do to get his life back, including the box with Peter’s identity. There’s a metric football game that people bet on, and Irish wants Peter to rob the armored car that the betting money is held in. Peter, unaware that he has Parkman’s power, hears one of the other guys’ thoughts. The guy is thinking he’s gonna take the cash and kill the others. Peter tells Irish O’Irish that he heard him saying that, and Irish threatens Peter. Because they all have the same “family crest” tattoo, so Irish trusts that guy more than he trusts Peter. BTW, Celtic tats are the only tats that don’t repel me. They are wicked cool. This goes for any Celtic drawings. One more thing. I absolutely hate the fact that the Boston Celtics are pronounced “sell-ticks.” They should be pronounced “kell-ticks.” But I don’t follow basketball much anyway, so whatevs.

Maya and Alejandro are somewhere in Mexico. Alejandro is worried, because Maya is dehydrated. A doesn’t think she’ll make it to the border. He wants to steal a Cadillac to get her to the border. They try to steal right in front of a cop, because they apparently failed Thievery 101. They get chased, Maya gets over a fence, Alejandro gets caught. He hasn’t caught on to the fact that Maya only strikes Black Oil when they’re separated, so he tells her to run. They are separated again. Dun dun dunnnnn.

In Vegas, we finally see Niki & Micah again. Micah doesn’t want to leave Vegas, and Niki is taking him out of Vegas without D.L. Niki tells Micah it’s time for them to say goodby to D.L. Huh. I guess he didn’t live. They’re visiting his grave. “Husband, father, hero.” Hey! That’s the name of the show!

On a beach somewhere, Sylar wakes up. He’s with a redhead who is apparently surveying him. She’s the shape-shifter, Candace. She, like Gob Bluth, is an Illusionist. She tells Sylar she dragged him away from the plaza after he was shot. She shows him the supposed scene after she took him away, and he is on a hospital bed, screaming.

And then there is a totally lame Amex commercial (sorry, Amex, you were good to me) where they’re drawing Beyonce like she’s in an Isaac Mendez comic or something… It’s a little dumb.

Claire is in Costa Verde, California. Which tells me she will come into contact with the Black Oil Express. Claire asks HRG what would happen if someone in their current locale found out about her. He says they’d pack up and move everything.

At school, Claire tells her Creepy Stalker that she was giving herself a pedicure the other night. They argue about it. “Fine then. Your toe didn’t come off, didn’t grow back.” He’s such a butthead. His lame excuse for why he was staring into her window is that he wanted to loan her Suresh’s book. Okay, Creepo, they’re called doors.

Parkman wakes up, spooked, in the middle of the night. Molly is sleeping. Mohindar is making noise in the kitchen, and Parkman pulls a gun on him because he’s totally freaked out. Mohindar is supposed to be in Cairo, thought Parkman, but Mohindar says he was in Haiti and is now stationed in New York. I wonder if he’s the shapeshifter, but Frank says it makes no sense. Whatevs. Molly hears Mohindar’s voice and comes running. Poor Weissy. His wife cheated on him, and now Molly is happier to see Mohindar than she is to be around Parkman. Parkman is upset that Mohindar’s spy work will be done near there, because he thinks it puts Molly in danger.

Ando is in Tokyo at his job. Playing a video game. His boss catches him and yells at him. Bosses are teh suck, Ando! Ando pulls out Hiro’s/Kensei’s sword and hopes Hiro is doing well. He notes on the end of the sword that there is writing. “Ando… open.” He opens the end of the sword and sees that Hiro has left him notes on scrolls. Hiro has decided to stay in 1671 to make Takezo Kensei into the man history needs him to be. SarahK would like to note for the record that Kensei is perfect the way he is, thank you casting.

Back in 1671, Mistuh Sahhhk is amazed to learn that he can self-heal. Hiro notes, “I will fix history after all.” Kensei says, “Lazarus risen. You’ve cursed me.” Ahem. Lazarus was blessed when Jesus raised him from the dead. Let’s not be calling ourselves cursed while comparing ourselves with Lazarus, mkay? Thx. Kensei runs away because he’s afraid of Hiro.

At the commercial, the local news says, “I’ll show when the season’s first cool front will push into central Florida.” SarahK scoffs. “Heh. Never.”

Peter is commanding his hands to create sparks. “Lightning. Sparks. Lightning!” It’s funny, because it’s like the scene in the first Spiderman movie (the only one that didn’t suck) when Peter Parker (same initials) is trying to figure out how to sling webs. Sheila O’Irish (Irish O’Irish’s sister) is wondering how Peter’s powers work and wants to help him or something. Watch his back. “How do I know I can trust you?” Considering the state of TV cliches, I half expected her to say, “Yeh donnt nauh, do ye?” (That was my Irishly accented writing.) Instead she reminds him that she hasn’t tullld innywahn abayut his pahehrs. Why? “Gehll’s gotta have hehr saycrits.”

Alejandro has been thrown into jail and sees himself on the wanted poster. An American says, “Dude. You look like [pinkytoe].” “No English.” Typical!

In Claire’s biology class, West (the Creepy Stalker Boy) wants to know if lizards can mate with humans. If a lizard/human hybrid cut off her own appendage, you pick which, would her appendage regenerate itself? Claire leaves class while the teacher fails to see the relevance.

Hiro’s scrolls to Ando: “Righting history and turning Takezo Kensei into a hero will not be easy. But at least I’m not alone. Blah blah blah, met beautiful girl, am in love. Only problem is that history has written her as Kensei’s great love, blah blah.” Poor Hiro. But don’t worry, you’ll become Kensei.

Hiro walks with the swordsmith’s daughter and praises Kensei.

Hiro tells Kensei about his own powers. He says some people think it’s a gift from God, some think it’s evolution. Kensei doesn’t know about that theory. But basically, Hiro tells Kensei he can heal from any wound, and Kensei thinks of his future riches. He tells Hiro that if he’s obsessed with Kensei’s story so much, he should handle all that stuff Kensei is supposed to do. Defeat 90 Angry Ronin, etc. Hiro transports Kensei to the 90 Angry Ronin and hands him a sword. He’s determined to make Kensei into the hero.

West says to Claire, “I take it you’re annoyed.” We’re all annoyed with you. West just wants Claire to admit she’s different. Claire rants about his nosiness and tells him to tell the world, because she’s tired of hiding, blah blah blah. He tells her to shut up and then takes her flying. She’s so impressed! Claire, your biodad can fly, and so can your Uncle Peter. So big whoop.

At a bar called “Pinky’s Sportsbook,” Sheila O’Irish tells Peter to be careful, and he responds in kind. Peter approaches the money pickup guys and says he wants his money back since the Celtic didn’t win. Irish O’Irish’s guys surround the pickup guard to get inside the place, and after they get the money, Irish O’Irish acts like he’s gonna shoot the guy. He doesn’t. Peter moves a truck to stop O’Irish from getting shot, and he jumps in another truck with Sheila, telling her to go go go!

Mohindar goes to Isaac Mendez’s place to meet Midas. Mohindar notes that he recognizes the loft. Midas tells Mohindar that Isaac was murdered. “The Company recently poured a lot of money into outfitting this laboratory. Everything. State of the art set re-usage.” The loft has been turned into Mohindar’s lab, and they will be keeping a very close eye on Mohindar. You know. To anticipate his needs. Mohindar notes that he prefers to work alone. They don’t really care about what Mohindar wants.

In 1671, Hiro and the swordsmith’s daughter wait for Kensei to arrive. She fears he may have been killed and notes that Kensei seems like two people. One a brute, the other gentle. Just then, Kensei returns in all his beauty. He has retrieved the scroll from the 90 Angry Ronin. Hiro is pleased, the swordmith’s daughter (we’re just going to call her Cherry Blossom for the sake of brevity) runs into Kensei’s arms. Cherry Blossom tells Mistuh Sahhk she will never doubt him again. She kisses him, and Hiro looks very mop. I mean, sad.

In New Orleans, Niki tells Micah that things will be better now. Yeah, not as long as Ray Nagin is mayor, dufus. Micah is staying with other people, family, normal people he doesn’t even know. Niki has to go somewhere else for awhile. She promises to come back and says she has to do this. “That’s what you always say before you do something bad.” Uhura from Star Trek is the family. She welcomes them to New Orleans. I’ll bet she has powers.

Maya is outside Alejandro’s jail. She goes in to get her brother and has all of fourteen dollars to bust him out. She tells the guard that she is sick and they’re on their way to America to see a doctor, and the guard says, “So then you have traveling papers?” HAHAHAHAHA. THAT’S A GOOD ONE! MY SIDES ARE SPLITTING! NO… CAN’T… BREATHE… FROM THE LAUGHTER… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WHEW! Wiping my eyes here…

Maya thinks it’s funny, too. She sees the wanted poster, and the guard says, “Why don’t you leave before I call the border police?” STOP! STOP! I CAN’T TAKE IT! I LITERALLY MIGHT BUST OPEN FROM LAUGHING! Maya says she just wouldn’t do this. She shows him the poster and says, this is me. This is my brother. We’re murderers. And as they’re handcuffing her, her eyes turn black. Alejandro’s cellmate’s eyes go black. She has killed the guards and the cellmate. Good grief. That is one illegal alien that we do *not* need in this country (I have a hard time coming up with one we do need). Prediction: I’m guessing they’ll get separated at ICE and kill all the ICE agents.

Haha. That weather guy is talking cool front again. That means it will be only 88 and 100% humidity. Wake me when we get to Idaho.

After the break, Maya tells A that she just couldn’t leave him. “Esta bien. Esta bien.” Yeah, ok. Murder is fantastic! You should do it every day. A heals Maya, and everyone wakes up, but not before they bust out. The American cellmate says they should take him with them, because he has a car. They’re all over that coche!

In Cork, Ireland, Irish’s friend/brother pulls a gun on Irish. Peter walks in and says, “So. I was right.” He gets shot a couple of times and heals right away. Everyone, including Peter, is astonished. Peter starts to do a Vader choke on the thief, and eventually he lets him go. The thief flees, and Irish and Sheila look at Peter in awe.

Ando needs to learn English so I don’t have to watch the screen when Hiro’s on screen (hard to see what I just typed if I’m having to read something else). Hiro tells Ando that Kensei is becoming a proper hero. I can’t even understand Hiro when he speaks English. He needs to work on that. Hiro tells Kensei that he’s leaving, and Kensei says, but I need you! You make me the hero I am! Hiro says he can’t break history.

Cherry Blossom calls Hiro a great friend, other than all the abandonment, and Hiro tries to leave. But he can’t teleport. Thank goodness! I would be sorely unamused if Mistuh Sahhk was out for the rest of the season. I’d take this right off the DVR list.

The new Candace has the old Candace’s eyes. Sylar is upset that he has no powers now. Candace says maybe they just disappeared with his injuries. Candace says the people she works for will make sure he gets better and reacquires his powers… with her help, of course. She says she can be anyone he wants her to be. Even “someone more furmiliar” (this when she’s shapeshifting into Sylar). Candace says they were meant to do this thang together. He says he underestimated her. She’s really extraordinary. He smashes a mug against her head, makes her bleed, and says, “You’re right. I am gonna get my abilities back. Starting with yours.” She’s like, I totally didn’t see that coming!

After the ninetieth commercial for Journeyman, Sylar sees what Candace really looks like. Not in the face, just her plumpish body. Sylar tries to use her powers (but he hasn’t removed her brain), and he just can’t make it work. “What’s wrong with me?” Um, other than the whole psycho killer thing? Nothing at all, S-Man!

Peter gets the O’Irish family crest tattooed on his arm. O’Irish says Peter is one of them and gives him his box of personal effects, because they have no secrets among family. Sheila urges him to open it, and Peter says maybe he doesn’t want his old life back, because he thinks he might be a bad person. Sheila says that she’s sure he’s not. She says if he likes who and where he is right now, maybe he should just let it be. His Kensei tattoo disappears as he kisses Sheila.

On a beach somewhere, Claire and Mr. Annoying are sitting, trying to decide who has the best powers. Neither wants to win the contest, it’s so icky cute! Hang on a sec… K, sorry about that, I had vomited over the cuteness and needed to grab some paper towels to clean off the couch. And then they kiss as the fake ducks float in the ocean (no, seriously, dial back your DVRs and look — they look like the fake ducks in all the lakes in our planned community). And Frank and I yell, “No! Go away!” Frank adds that someone needs to drop a car on him. After they kiss, Claire notices two marks on his neck. She asks about the marks, and he tells her that two years ago in St. Louis, he was riding his bike home from school, and some guy captured him. He woke up the next morning not knowing anything. And at this moment, I said, “I’ll bet it was Noah!” And then Mr. Annoying says, “I’ll never forget him. The guy with the horn-rimmed glasses.” That’s HRG for short, folks. Awesome! I hope he tortured Mr. Annoying good and proper. Claire looks shocked.

Midas brings Mohindar another vial of blood and then takes a call outside. Mohindar calls HRG from his own phone and tells him the last eight paintings are being shipped out soon — they’re all crated. HRG says that as long as he’s alive, Mohindar will be taken care of. Midas is talking to Niki, who asks if he’s sure he’ll be able to cure her. He says yes, but he’s going to need something from her in return. Mohindar finds the eighth painting, and HRG says they know it begins with the death of Mr. Nakamura… but how does it end? SarahK says, “With the death of HRG.” Mohindar says, “Not good, I’m afraid.” He takes a picture with his cell phone and sends it to HRG. The painting is of HRG. He’s laid out on the ground. His glasses are broken. He’s all bloody and has apparently been shot in the eye… And Claire or another blonde is nearby. Kissing someone.

The ep is to be continued. As was last week’s ep. So… if there’s an episode that’s *not* to be continued, we should maybe assume that the series has ended.

Previous Heroes snark:
Stolen Horse and the Cherry Blossom Tree — Heroes S2E2
HEROES… Snark the Cheerleader, Snark the World! — 2.1 FOUR MONTHS LATER