This is last week’s ep. I haven’t even watched last night’s ep yet. Be very mop for me, because I’m really itching to watch it.

A bunch of people are passing around a photo of a swimmer. She’s being passed all over the internet, and it’s not even a dirty picture. It’s like that pole vaulting thing with the girl… that’s all I remember of the story is that suddenly she was famous for being pretty and pole-vaulting.

A high-school girl named Candace walks out for her swim meet, and she has a rather large crowd cheering for her. She’s a little freaked out by all the people taking pictures of her. She hugs her parents and kisses her boyfriend and gets up on the block. She’s still freaked out and distracted when the starter pistol goes off. So she’s still hanging around on the block and looking at her boyfriend when all the other girls have dived into the pool. And she sees an arrow go into the chest of her boyfriend, who is directly in line with the starting blocks and not far from her. My initial thought is that the arrow was meant for her. She starts crying for Luke, the boyfriend.

Frank tells H that the school has an archery team and that all the stalkers with camera phones are hanging out waiting for a glimpse of her. Candace tells H that everyone would want to kill Luke, because ever since the picture of her went up on the internet, people want to know everything about her. And I’m thinking they wanted to kill her, not him. I said that already. H tells Candace he’ll find out who did this. Candace’s dad calls H over and starts griping about the cyber-stalkers and how they’ve been following them all weekend. “What if Candace is next?” “Mr Walker. That. [SUNGLASSES OF JUSTICE!] Is not going to happen.” Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh!

Frank, there is NO TALKING after Horatio walks out of frame! NO TALKING! Sunglasses moments are for Horatio only!

Leaving the swim meet, Candace is stalked. Ryan is standing outside the complex. Horatio has called Ryan to the complex. H disappoints Ryan by saying he wants him to be Candace’s private protection (he was hoping for reinstatement). H tells Ryan to be careful and that the fee has been taken care of.

Calleigh goes to see the athletic director slash archery coach. All the bows are locked inside a case inside his locked office. Calleigh takes all of the bows and a list of the students on the team. While she’s waiting for the list, she notices the coach has an entire wall of blown-up photos of Candace. CREEPY! He says she’s always been a special project. I bet he’d like her to be a special felony.

At the lab, Delko goes to the tech girl (what happened to that tech guy) and her glass wall of computer monitor output, and she tells Delko how famous Candace is on the interwebz. Delko says the internet is still a wild west. And it needs to remain that way, Mr. Delko. Except for the child porn. That needs to be cracked down upon.

Calleigh shoots the different bows and makes goo for getting molds of their markings. She finds the killer weapon. She gives the bow to Boa Vista for DNA.

Ryan and Candace show up at Luke’s parents’ house. Ryan tried to trick the fans with a decoy car, but they found their location anyway. They snap lots of pictures of Candace and Ryan. GawkerStalk-Walker has already posted their location and noted that Candace is out with a cute older guy. Delko is highly amused. They notice a Stalk-Walker picture of Candace taken from the point of view of someone she looks to be very in love with. Delko says you can’t take that picture unless you’re up really close and wearing the camera. So Delko goes to the morgue and checks Luke’s personal effects. His sunglasses (not H’s brand) have a teeny camera in the frames. There’s a transmitter in his personal stuff, too. Delko prints the glasses and gets a print.

Next, H questions a major loser. First words out of his mouth: “I-yum uh blawwger, Loootinnint.” That’s “I’m a blogger, Lieutenant.” This is what the entertainment world thinks of bloggers. I shall snark even harder! Fear the snark! H says that Luke is dead. “I haid nuthin’ ta do with that. I jist blawg about celaibrities.” He switched out the shades with Luke’s shades, and this morning, he was off-campus watching the feed. H tells him that stalking Candace is bad. And recording her without her consent is punishable by five years in prison. Hyur-HUR! Yew cain’t blawwwg about celaibrities na-yah, cain yuh? H wants the video.

Now on Stalk-Walker, there’s a message. “See Candace’s cop.” There’s a picture of Horatio Caine. That jerk IAB guy who dated and abused Yelena comes to tell Horatio about the online thing. Tell him something he don’t know! So he does. He tells H that the stalkers are investigating him and have uncovered H’s involvement in the Argento grand jury five years ago. Argento is mob, old-school, and now H is in danger. Rick wants H to take a security detail of his own. Horatio: “Do I detect a note of personal concern?” Rick: “The department is feeling very exposed.” H: “Ah. So we’re back to reality.” I love him and his one-liners! He’s the best super-cop ever! H walks away from Rick and puts on his sunglasses, even though he’s inside. YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!

H’s Hummer is parked in the middle of the street somewhere, with patrol cars all around him. H says someone slashed all four of his tires and stole his flat badge from his car. He didn’t notice the tires were slashed before he drove somewhere and ended up in the middle of the street? I mean, he couldn’t have been parked in the middle of the street, peeps. Frank says the flat badge was left on the scene of a B&E and arson in Sweetwater. H says someone is settling an old score. H has new tires now and goes to the Sweetwater house. Argento had done arson for the mob (fire for hire), but this arson job does not look professional. H remembers that Argento had a son.

They bring in Damon Argento, the son of the mobster. Damon plays coy like he doesn’t know H had anything to do with the case. “Damon, I know you’re angry. And I know you want revenge. But this is a mistake, and you have a choice.” Damon is very flippant and promises he’ll get revenge. “Son, you’ve been warned.” Haha, I love it when he calls them son. And when he threatens people. Damon looks like a cross between Milo from 24 and Clavo “We Never Close” Cruz.

Alexx finds waterproof lipstick behind Luke’s ear.

Delko and the techie watch the tape from Luke’s death, and they see a girl walk by and flirt with Luke a few minutes before the start of the race. Before she’s walking by Luke, she’s talking to the athletic director.

The lipstick girl (also on the swim team) tells Delko that she kissed Luke (he turned her down, and she kissed him behind his ear) but she didn’t kill him. She says Candace’s popularity was ridiculous, and she’s not that great a swimmer. She says that she (lipstick girl) can have any guy in school. Delko notes that the one guy she couldn’t have ended up dead. Now I’m certain that she was trying to kill Candace.

The athletic director’s DNA is on the bow. Calleigh interviews the coach. He says he just calibrates the equipment, he doesn’t fire it. But he nicks his fingers when he services the bows. Calleigh asks him about kicking Luke off the football team. Coach says, yeah, but that’s because he had bad grades. Calleigh thinks the coach wanted Candace for himself, so he killed Luke. Coach says she’s wrong. Well, as long as you say so!

Now, the day or so after her boyfriend’s death, Ryan is having to watch Candace do a photo shoot for a sports drink. Wow, that’s a giant bottle of electrolytes. Not exactly easy to tote around. Ryan asks mom if this is a good idea right now, and mom is like, You sound like her father. Oh yes. Famous daughter equals kaching kaching. This will pay for college, so they have to capitalize before the crowd moves on. Ryan gets a message that Stalk-Walker has a tip. Mom looks suspicious. Ryan asks Mom to grab the Town Car so they can exit out the back, and she says she’ll get right on that as soon as she’s grabbed the gift basket. First things first.

Techie girl finds a message on Stalk-Walker. “Horatio Caine dies today.” “Sir, they may come after you.” “And I’ll be ready.” He gets into the Hummer and loads his gun. H, that thing should always be loaded so you can kill bad guys!

As Ryan and Candace wait outside for Mom and the car (Ryan should insist on driving everywhere), Candace is grabbed by someone in a mask. Ryan scuffles with him, and he runs away. Ryan has to stay with Candace, so he can’t pursue. At the lab, Calleigh and Delko come in to process him. Turns out, he went ahead and scratched the guy during the scuffle and has his DNA under his fingernails. This is where I said to Frank, “Bet it’s her dad!” Delko is giving Ryan a hard time. Ryan whines about it, because he’s a girl.

H goes to see Candace’s dad to confront him about the photo studio attack. He tells H he wasn’t trying to hurt her. He just wanted to scare her, because he’s trying to protect her. Her mom’s been parading her around ever since she ended up on the internet, and he wants it to stop. I believe him. Then he says, “Sometimes fear can be a good thing.” H says, “On the contrary, Mr. Walker. Fear. Is a killer. Just like heart disease.” Haha, he didn’t say the heart disease thing.

H gets back to the Hummer and finds his gun is missing from the console. Well, H, you just can’t leave that thing laying around. H calls Techie to see if anyone has posted his location again. No, they haven’t, and H takes a picture of his Hummer next to a landmark and sends it to Techie so she can post it online. I think H is gonna do something crazy! Yay!

Natalia and Calleigh discover by the way the bow is calibrated that the shooter was a girl. They go back to the video and see that Lipstick had the coach’s key around her wrist when she walked by Luke. Coach and Lipstick were doing IT, it turns out. Lipstick spills. “It’s not fair! Everyone said I was prettier than her! And everyone was taking pictures of her! I couldn’t take it any more.” Calleigh’s lightbulb finally comes on that she was aiming for Candace. “She’s been slow off the block ever since her cyber-lebrity started. I gave her too much credit.” So. Does Lipstick still get charged with murder, since she killed the wrong person? Murder 1, 2, 3? And will she also be charged with attempted murder for Candace? She should be!

So. At 6th & Cortez, Horatio’s location, Damon Argento is walking around with Horatio’s gun, looking for H inside an open building. Horatio confronts him. Damon says, “I didn’t lose my dad! You took him from me!” Horatio tells Damon, again, that he has a choice. Damon starts firing at Horatio, and Horatio doesn’t even flinch! Damon’s either a really bad shot, or those are blanks he’s firing. Of course, he’s shooting with his eyes closed, so he could just really be a bad shot.

Nothing hits Horatio, who stands there, head askew, hands in his pockets. Damon stares at the gun.
“Blanks?”
“No. I’m bulletproof.” Horatio pulls another gun on him and tells him to put his hands on his head.
“You knew I was gonna take it, didn’t you?” Horatio really hoped he wouldn’t.
“Of course I knew. I’m the new Master of the Universe.” Move over, Spydaddy Bristow.

At the station, Lipstick is being stalked now as she’s escorted, cuffed, to a police car. Ryan tells Candace her fifteen minutes have been turned over to Lipstick. Candace is just fine with that. The Coach, being brought in on statutory rape charges, looks at Lipstick confused as he walks by, and she ignores him. It turns out that Candace’s mom initially sent the picture in to Stalk-Walker. A very cheesy song about friends plays over the end montage.

Hey, now that I think of it, the video effects weren’t prominent in this episode. I always notice them.