We start out VH1’s latest Flavor Flav spin-off with New York meeting with a dour psychologist. They discuss her prior failed attempts to find love on reality tv (she blew it with Flavor Flav in both Flavor of Love and Flavor of Love 2, and then blew it again with Tango in I Love New York 1 when he unceremoniously dumped her during the reunion show for disrespecting his mother). The psychologist suggests that she did not make a love connection previously because she allowed others to have too much control over the situation, so she promises to take control of the search this time. . .

We cut to the mansion where we are introduced to the first 10 suitors. A couple of the candidates look like Usher, one guy looks like someone out of Beauty and the Geek (he makes Mr. Boston look like Brad Pitt). Oh, and did I mention there was a dwarf, un-politically correctly named “Midget Mac.” There is controversy right off the bat, when the 5 suitors chosen over the internet arrive. They are all wearing sashes proclaiming the total number of votes they received.

A black limo comes then around the bend, and I immediately said to myself “oh oh”–as I predicted, it was New York’s mom, Sister Patterson. She hops out of the limo and lurches back from the dwarf like he is contagious. Sister Patter is followed by her own her group of 5 suitors that she has predictably named the “Mama’s Boys.”

The 20 suitors move into the “mansion”, and start getting drunk immediately. The Mama’s Boys have their very own room that has been set up by Sister Patterson.

Cut to New York discussing the dwarf suitor with her mother. Sister Patterson really, really, really doesn’t like dwarfs. I would say she is prejudiced against Little People, but I think that is too mild a word. I think she is irrationally revolted by them, and perhaps a little superstitious.

New York lines the guys up and tells allows them to tell her the nickname they prefer. If she thinks it fits, so be it. Otherwise she will change it. The top vote getter wants to be called “The Entertainer”–lame. Because he’s the fan favorite, he won’t be going home tonight for sure. Sister Patterson’s “Third Eye” tells her he’s bad news. Next up are “Buddha”, “Midget Mac” (who New York may be treating nicely (at this stage) simply to stick it to her mom), “Man Man” (because he is “twice the average man”–boy is that ever lame), “20 Pack”, “Doc”, “Sweetie Pie”, and “Yours”. Then a super geek comes forward who wants the nickname “Jackpot”–instead Sister Patterson dubs him “Cheesey”. Next up are “Knockout”, “Ears”, “Wolf”, “Mr. Wise”, “Milliown” (huh?), “Pretty”, “Punk”, and “Champion”. Next up is a suitor Sister Patterson accuses of being a gay cross-dresser, who is declared to be “Unsure”. Finally, “It” (who is incredibly weird) and “Tailor Made” come forth.

New York has a mixer for the newly named suitors to pick five guys to send packing. Out of the box, “Wolf” tries to charm her by asserting he has a large–ahem–member (and it seems to work on her!). “Ears” is a computer programmer who bores her to tears.

Next up is “Midget Mac”, who she is afraid of because she doesn’t know if he has “magic powers” and she wonders if he might be able to “strike her down.” She agrees to sit with him because she thinks she might be able to take him out if they throw down. She plays with his hair like he is a doll or curiosity, but they seem to make some kind genuine of connection.

Although “It” is “mental institution weird”, she likes him because she thinks a guy like that would keep her on her toes. His “wooing” involves licking her shoulder–ewwwww. A fight nearly breaks out, and Sister Patterson and New York leave for safety reasons and discuss who to eliminate.

Back at the mixer, Tailor Made is handing out $100 bills to get guys to give him privacy with New York. New York is not impressed. Worse than this desperate posing, he commits a huge faux pas by mentioning her plastic surgery–what an idiot.

Sister Patterson and Midget Mac bond just a little bit–by “bonding” I simply mean she no longer is obviously physically repulsed by him. Hilariously, all of Midget Mac’s interviews have the camera aimed high, so only the top of his head is visible at the bottom of the screen! Sister Patterson clearly wants Midget Mac to go tonight, so I’m sure New York (and the producers) will keep him around for that very reason.

Elimination comes, and the producers New York keeps a healthy number of freaks around–for ratings no doubt. The most shocking keepers are “Cheesey”, “It”, “Unsure”, and “Midget Mac”. Although Sister Patterson is outraged about the last pick, and demands that she keep Mama’s Boy “Champion” instead, New York does not relent. Out are “Doc”, “Ears”, “Milliown”, and “Champion”.

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