No recap, snark only. I’m too far behind on the TV blogging to do a full recap. Plus, we’re eating dinner, and I can’t type when I’m stuffing my face with totally awesome pasta. I realize I never finished my CSINY season premiere snark. Which means I probably won’t.

There’s a serial number on the plate that attaches the prosthetic ear to the head. Stella: “That could help us get an ID.” Really? Ya think?

The dead scuba diver’s dive partner hasn’t shown up for work for three weeks. Mac says that sounds suspicious. It does? I think it sounds totally kosher.

The victim was killed on a subway. An underwater subway. That makes it a subwave. You’re welcome.

They find solid gold in the second dead diver’s dive suit. Real gold from 1783?? Didn’t we see this one on CSI: Horatio?

The coin is a replica of a gold doubloon, says a random guy at the coin collector’s store. Didn’t we see that one on The Goonies? (My all-time favorite movie, btw.) Oh, and the random guy in the coin store is my suspect.

Mac is still getting the anonymous calls, so he’s changed his extension.

Montana says that they found sea cucumber larvae in the second dead guy’s scuba mask. “They inhabit the Benthick Region.” They also inhabit home aquariums. Maybe he was drowned in a home aquarium. Wait, didn’t we already see that on CSI: NY?

They could use Delko for this case. No, wait. They’ve got that yellow thing with cameras attached. But they’d still need Delko for retrieval.

They even have a mermaid in this one. Just like on that CSI: Horatio ep. Hey, if the ships are named the same, I’m calling plagiarism and/or same creator/sharing of ideas.

The whole show, Frank’s been ending his sentences in “ovuh he-yah” to imitate Danny. And Danny or Hawkes in the water just ended a sentence in “ovuh he-yah.” That made Frank immensely happy.

Dude, Hawkes is trapped, Danny’s not responding. Poor Montana, watching on the monitor! And NOW they really need Delko. He’s teh awesome in the water. Wow, it’s a bombardment of ovuh he-yahs. If we were playing a drinking game with CSI: NY (we don’t play drinking games), we would be drunk by now on our ovuh he-yahs.

I was worried about Hawkes taking off his mask, because I was thinking we were on CSI: Horatio, and I was like, oh noes! The salt will sting his eyes! Then I remembered. East River, not Atlantic Ocean.

Now, that was pretty cool! The syringe morphed into the Empire State Building! So wicked. And that’s not just from hitting the “random effects” button on Windows Media Maker. (ahem, my favorite orange TV show.)

Someone reused that syringe! Well, ain’t that lucky. It’s gonna be someone using cortisone for any number of reasons.

And there’s that coin guy, my suspect. Runs into Stella on the street. Either they’re trying to make him too obvious, or he’s just obvious to me because I *feel* the CSI shows. He’s actually stalking her! She doesn’t take well to stalkers. She’s kinda had bad experiences.

Huh. That guy? The stalker coin guy? He’s gonna be at the Round Tree Diner at 8 p.m. How lucky is that? Because see, when we find out he’s the killer, Stella will know exactly where to go to arrest him! That’s like magic!

The Balkan dive students are big suspects. Oh, and looky there. Student visas issued two months ago. It’s good they took four cops over there (well, two cops and two CSIs), because that guy’s a fighter!

Huh. The other guy is gone, and there are wires and timers everywhere? NO! I can’t possibly imagine that two people on student visas issued only two months ago would ever ever want to do bad things to our country! It’s completely implausible. So this isn’t about a shipwreck, it’s about a bomb. I’m guessing some kind of target out in the water. Statue of Liberty two weeks in a row? Surely not. A bridge?

So they were gonna try to pull this off without blowing themselves up in the process. What? *NOT* a suicide mission? Cowards!

Dude, you mess with New York, Mac has a personal vendetta against you. Do. Not. Tick. Him. Off.

Wait. They’re gonna hit the U.N.? It seems like they should have more important cases to deal with, right? I mean, isn’t there like a dead prostitute without a family or something?

Oh, nevermind. I guess they have to solve the case, since the guy they’re trying to assassinate is an American investigating money troubles with Iraq funds. And the Albanian students (here on student visas of course) are supporting terrorists in Iraq.

Well, I guess that one guy is gonna be a new love interest for Stella. Or a stalker for a future episode.

Yo! Next week, they take on super-spies. I wonder if they’re super-swank!