Oh. So it looks like Jamie’s boyfriend died. Aww. And all because he saved her life. The funeral is at the beginning of the ep. That one guy who’s been in everything shows up and says they need to talk. She’s like, “I’M NEVER TALKING TO YOU, NEVER!” except that she says it calmly and doesn’t yell. Jamie and her sister go home, and Jamie is sad. No baby, no boyfriend… just a brat sister.

Under the floorboards in the apartment, Jamie finds the file the doctor boyfriend had on her.

Hey, the news is talking about a town in Idaho that’s been cordoned off. And Jamie is in a bar and just decides that it’s all about Mr. Right Now rather than Mr. Right. She tries to hook up with a complete stranger in the bathroom, and she breaks his rib. The bossman comes in and sends the hookup home. Hookup thanks the bossman and runs away. Bossman says Jamie is worth $50 million, and he owns her body parts.

Jamie questions Bossman about the file she found, which started two years before she met the doctor. So it turns out the doc bf was there on assignment with her or something. She throws up after one false start. Girl can’t hold her bionicness.

Jamie is awakened by a call from Becca’s school. She was smoking pot on campus. Jamie gets her out of punishment by banishment-from-talent-show (wooo) and assures the counselor she will handle up on the business of her sister at home. Outside, Jamie tells Becca that she’s a cliche. Becca responds in ignorant twit-like fashion. “Pot’s not really a drug. It comes from the earth.” Unlike that opium stuff they use to make heroin. That’s from New Caprica, yo.

Becca says maybe she should just move in with dad. Jamie’s like, yeah, maybe you should. SarahK’s like, yeah! Maybe you’re extraneous and annoying! Where’s Sarahbuck?

Bossman and one of his lady workers see video of what looks like a biological attack. The FBI is covering it up, and the media is shut out. Bossman wants more intel.

Jamie is having lunch with friends, and her ear starts ringing. One of her friends just got into Columbia law school. The other one has met an amazing guy. Jamie starts to feel envious and sad.

Isaiah Washington walks up to Jamie in a bookstore. “Whatcha reading ’bout, f—-t?” That was SO out of line! He tells her that the book she’s reading changed his life and made him start sending clean water systems to places in Africa. Oh, how nice of him to push his agenda right in the middle of our TV show! Yes, I’m a TV cynic. Sue me. No don’t. I am worth negative dollars, it wouldn’t be worth your time. Isaiah W. has a Jack Russell. His name is Antonio (Isaiah, not the dog). She spills her guts, then says she doesn’t know why she’s talking to him, and he understands that it’s easier to talk to strangers sometimes.

The quarantined town in Idaho is mentioned on the news again, and Jamie is concerned. Her supersonic hearing kicks in, and there’s a girl about to jump off a roof. Jamie saves her and makes her live. She tells the woman her superstrength is due to Pilates.

Jamie comes in to Bossman’s office, and he’s mad about his sixteen-year-old daughter being on the pill. Funny story. One day, we were at a pond party with Rowdi at the dog spa, and she was playing happily with this other dog. Enzo, a horny black dog. Well. He just got right up on her and started humping. I was outraged and shocked that they would dare act like dogs right in front of their parents. And I, being all flustered, shouted, “Hey! No! Not until you’re… … sixteen!” I just pulled that number, sixteen, right out of my butt. And there were so many doggy parents standing around, and Paul, Rowdi’s favorite handler, was standing there. And everyone started laughing, and I went totally crimson. And I felt the need to explain. “I… uhhhhhh… have no idea where I got that number from… uhhhh… let me revise. Not until you’re forty! … uhhhh …” So. Embarrassing. Like I would be okay with my human child doing IT at that age. Ack! /tangent

Anyway, Jamie says that if she’s sexually active, it’s better to be safe. Blah blah blah. Agendas all around. Jamie says she’d like to give saving the world a try. But she has prerequisites. Her sister has to be on their healthplan. She has to be home by seven every night to have dinner with the extraneous character. And she doesn’t work weekends.

She tells the Bossman that her bionic ear is ringing, and he says they’re working on it. He brings in her supervisor. It’s Antonio! No way! I totally couldn’t have imagined that he was going to be involved in all this!

They’re trying to fix her bionic ear. “That’s probably just something loose somewhere, or a brain aneurism.” The tech hits her head and fixes her ear.

It turns out that Antonio doesn’t have a Jack Russell, he was just playing up the fact that she did have one as a kid. Also, he wanted to make sure she wasn’t compromised.

She starts training. Jae (Sarahbuck’s trainer/handler) is her trainer. Jae tells her that Sarahbuck was programming Jamie and herself when they fought on the roof. Jamie does chin-ups. Where is Sarahbuck? Jamie runs an easy obstacle course at super speed. More chin-ups. More fighting with Jae. Jae tells her all about how awesome she is. But if she fails, she’ll go insane. “Is that what happened with Sarahbuck? Did she go insane? Is that why she killed Will? Are you still in love with her?”

Jae says that whatever he feels, Sarahbuck is the enemy.

Jamie wants to be unleashed on real bad guys. She asks to go to Idaho with the blonde lady who works closely with Bossman. Jamie and the other lady go to Idaho. Everyone’s dressed up like they’re from the movie Outbreak. Jamie and Bosslady start checking out the dead bodies. 201 townspeople dead. Here’s what I want to know: Where will they bury the survivors?

Old Orville Redenbacher commercial. Frank says, “It’s kinda cute that they’re using the old commercials.” SarahK: “Yeah. Except that it’s creepy.” “Not as creepy as when they did the digital Redenbacher.” True, that.

Jamie is stumbling after seeing the dead lady. She wants to know why people don’t have a right to know about it. Bosslady says because they’d panic. The virus was airborne, created by the agency, and only toxic for twelve hours. Bosslady thinks this is the first domino. Bossman says he’ll put a team on standby. He’ll call Halliburton.

Jae goes into his office and finds a rose sent to him by Sarahbuck, with a note that they should try couples counseling. Dun dun dunnnn. And the music sounds like it’s done by Bear McCready, who does the BSG soundtrack.

“U no wear fine me. Kthxbai.”

Jamie and Bosslady walk into a house, and the BSG video game is on the TV. Haha. Jamie’s supersonic hearing starts cranking, and we know it does, because there’s a Smallvillesque graphic. Jamie hears a heartbeat and finds a girl brushing her teeth in a basement. Girl wants to know where her grama is.

At the Yellow Rose Hotel, Jae goes to find Sarahbuck. The doorman tells Jae that his “wife” is waiting for him upstairs. There’s Sarahbuck! Why couldn’t she have been in the entire ep? She says, “You’re not gonna kill me twice, are you?” She lowers his gun for him and raises his… hand. “Happy anniversary,” she says.

Becca calls Jamie to ask where her Tenacious D t-shirt is. Haha. She also threatens to move to dad’s. Oh, no! Don’t do that!

Jamie, Bosslady, and the basement girl go outside. Basement Girl wants to know why all the dogs are dead, and she’s alive. She remembers a weird truck from last night, doing circles around the town. Bosslady leaves Jamie to babysit. Jamie hears the camo guys before they come around the corner. She hears that they’re not friendly, and Jamie and Basement Girl take off running. “Who are you?” “That’s a long story.” Actually, it’s not. “I’m the new and unimproved Bionic Woman.” See? Easy.

One of the camo dudes busts in, and Jamie gets her butt kicked for awhile until she finally learns how to use her bionic arm. The three ladies escape and blow up the camo guys with a trip-wire bomb. Antonio and his team show up to help. “Who are you?” “We’re with the Department of Agriculture.” Basement Girl is easy to please.

Jae and Sarahbuck have now done IT. He asks Sarahbuck why she did it. “I wasn’t in control. I think someone hacked me.” “I watched you die.” I, for one, am glad she came back to life.

Basement Girl is immune to the biological weapon gas stuff. Antonio is gonna try to find who has the gas. Antonio questions a camo guy and threatens to torture him if he doesn’t fess up. The guy tells him they have twenty trucks moving out tonight. The agency busts in and stops whatever is going down, and they save the world. Bossman and Jamie show up and see all the places the camo guys wanted to hit. Jamie says she’s in. Then she goes to her sister’s talent show.

Next week, Jamie and Sarahbuck have girlfights and maybe team up.