Everyone knows that stuff only happens Mondays and Fridays on soaps. GH is a little better about this and actually has somewhat interesting stuff during the week, but really, all the big stuff is saved for Monday and Friday. Here’s what happened since last Monday:

Liz and Lucky agree to get divorced, then reconsider, then reconsider their considering, all because Lucky is like, “I love you and don’t want you to go even though I crawl in to bed with every woman in Port Charles to spite you.” Liz waffles just as much and cries when she should be saying, “Good riddance!” Oh, and she, of course, blames herself for the marriage not working (for the third time) because after all, she’s always pushing Lucky into bed with these other women and causing him to brood like a prom-queen runner-up. Wah wah wah, Lucky. Man up. How’d he ever get through the police academy? Oh, and even though Lucky is so, so broken up about the divorce and gets really upset when Liz takes the boys and gets away from the house as quick as she can, he runs straight into Sam’s hot tub. Liz rents a house. Liz hires Diane before she’s even out of their house to handle the divorce. Lucky, who has over and over told Liz that he wants everything to be amicable, broods… again… and asks Alexis to look over the papers. Alexis tells Diane that *she* will be handling the divorce, because Diane didn’t write any joint custody into the papers, just visitation. Alexis says she’ll actually look out for Lucky, and Diane says she will barbecue Lucky. And this is obviously how true paternity of Jake will finally come out. Come out to Lucky, that is. Everyone else in Port Charles and their T-Mobile Five already know.

Johnny Zacara starts texting Lulu. Sonny has also received a text that says Latisha was just the beginning. Jason flips out when he hears Lulu (who has been invited to live in his lair by Spumoni) has been communicating with crazy Johnny Z. That’s not the only time he flips this week. Carly starts badmouthing Liz and just won’t shut up, and finally Jason yells at her that she’d better not say anything bad about Liz in his presence EVER AGAIN! RARR! And he tells her it would make him so happy to get to be with Liz, so shut yer face! Carly looks a little taken aback.

After Carly comes back from the island, she does crazy and stupid things, like asking Trevor Lansing (who I’m quite sure is the *actual* Anthony Zacara) just how crazy Johnny Zacara is — he threatens her for that. And then she steals Lulu’s cell phone and texts Johnny Z from it and tells Johnny to contact her at her own cell number from now on.

Prince Nicholas is getting worse and blacking out when he goes on his rages. He’s having Robin run tests to see if he still has Jerry’s poison in his system. Emily is becoming increasingly worried. Boring.

Jax remains woefully dumb and clueless and thinks that the mob just can’t hurt him, because he’ll involve the SEC. Maybe you should wait to threaten the mob after you’ve involved the SEC instead of just telling them *how* you plan to defend your family?

Kate Howard got six months’ community service, because the judge didn’t want to make her a martyr by giving her the maximum sentence. So *that’s* how judges justify letting celebs off easy. Now I know.

Since Jason is refusing to take out Trevor Lansing, Sonny asks Diane to eliminate him. She’s like, I’m not murdering anyone! He says, no, silly, get him disbarred.

Spinelli continues to trample on poor Georgie’s heart. He’s a moron.

That’s about it.