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Very first shot is… hilarious video editing software effects!

Wow! They start the show off with “the suspect — he’s your son.” Yeaaaahhhhhhh!

Whoa. Frank is in a uniform. Did he get demoted? Oh. In telling Calleigh’s stupid boyfriend that he’s as dumb as he looks, he tells SarahK she’s as dumb as she looks. Sorry, I didn’t see the stripes! So Frank is now Sergent Frank. What a Tripp. Haha. Get it? His last name is Tripp. Oh, and he shaved his head so that now he’s not balding, he’s bald. And suddenly with the cueball head and the uniform, he looks so much more badpinkytoe. I may start calling him Michael Chiklis.

IMPERFECT SUNGLASSES MOMENT! YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHH! (The yeah is supposed to be the yell at the beginning of the theme song, so read it that way.) Horatio puts on his sunglasses and says, “2000 parolees, 2000 suspects.” What he should have said was, “2000 parolees…” SUNGLASSES ON! “2000 suspects.” YEAAAAAHHHH! But I guess if he did it the same way every time, we wouldn’t have that building anticipation in the first scene. Whether we watch CSI: H the night it’s on or the morning after, we always at least watch the first scene until the YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH the night it’s on just for the sunglasses moment.

Range rules? Ryan loads the gun for everyone? What kind of insanity is that? I load my own weapons, thank you. That’s ridiculous. I think they’re just doing it to start up a romance between Ryan and Natalia. They tried it before. I like Natalia’s response to Ryan. NATALIA: Yeah, there’s the range at the station. But if I hit the ceiling there, I’m gonna hear about it. RYAN: Guys hit the ceiling all the time. NATALIA: Yeah. Guys.

I’m summarizing. It’s so true though, right? Are we sure Natalia’s really a girl? She shoots like a guy.

Kyle, who we’re supposed to think is Horatio’s son, puts his hands on his hips just like his dad! I love it. Ooh. I wonder if Yelena is the mother.

And then there’s Rick. They’re not playing up any qualities about Rick, so I wonder if Rick is H’s son. He has the same color hair as Kyle.

Every time Horatio gives a vague answer and walks off, especially when he’s talking to Yelena, I put on my Latina accent (it is probably offensive, because it’s not as accurate as I’d like it to be, but believe me, Frank’s is far more offensively inauthentic) and say, “Why you always talk to me in rrriddles, Horrratio?” We crack up. It doesn’t take much.

“He’s asking for $126,000.” Um, husband dude, that’s an odd amount to ask for. So either it’s someone with $126K in gambling debts, or you’re involved. Or your wife is. But more likely you are.

Why didn’t Kyle take off the ankle bracelet before he kidnapped the lady instead of after? Silly boy.

So Kyle is H’s son, and he’s going to jail. “It’s my job to care, son.” “I’m not your son!” Um, actually, ya are. So RESPECT THE AUTHORITAH OF THE SUNGLASSES!

Next week, I bet there are bikinis. And beaches. And shots of the water. And sunglasses and red hair.

WHOA. They show the sunglasses all busted up after the preview for next week. Dude. Do NOT mess with the shades.