Woops, forgot to post this last week.
24. 4 p.m. 5 p.m. 6 p.m. 7 p.m.
American Idol. Chicago auditions. Orlando auditions.
Chuck. Morgan as the Assistant Manager will be awesome. I really enjoyed the bit where Morgan fired Lester. And this: “You’re incredible! Is that your spy training?” “Duck Hunt. Nintendo.” Hey, it’s the Tom Cruise Superman dude as Shaw! And this from Casey: “I have back issues of Guns and Ammo older than this guy.” And one of my all-time favorite Chuck lines: “Something else you should know about me. I love guns.” And have I mentioned that I love Captain Awesome?
Scrubs Med School. “No.” “I’m gonna go ahead and give you a pass, because you have murder eyes.”
Better Off Ted. “Eat me?” “Let’s go to dinner. I’m going to teach you the word ‘with.’” “Using them for wickedness would be like beating a unicorn to death with a bag of rainbows.” Writers might be RedEye viewers.
Castle. I knew all along that the dude was her mom’s killer and that he was just trying to get $100K out of the police.
CSI: Horatio. No SAHSM. Wasn’t Natalia abused by her dead ex-husband? I assumed that’s what she would tell the doctor.
Modern Family. Funny episode. But see, it’s not a very quotable show, which is why it’s not one of my favorites.
CSI: NY. Danny shouldn’t be withholding from Mack that he’s lost his badge. Withholding stuff from Mack never ends well.
The Office. Fake Stanley! “For the record? Not on board with Fake Stanley. Although I get it.”
Bones. Really fun episode. Booth shooting his way into the Jeffersonian was all kindsa dreamy.
Community. Love this show. Jeff’s girlfriend was really pretty.
Parks and Recreation. “That fish over there reminds me of my mother.” “Why?” “It’s… just being very withholding.”
30 Rock. LOL at Tracy’s t-shirt: “Impeach George W. Ashington.” Hahaha. Also, the Truffle Shuffle!
Human Target. Pilot. “How much of this came out of my taxes?” “About 62 billion.” “Even I want to kill you just a little right now.” We enjoyed this show.
Human Target. 2nd episode. Also fun. We are really liking this show.
Fringe. We wish they’d develop Astrid more. Also, I love it when Walter calls her asterix. (I know it’s asterisk, but he pronounces it asterix.)
This… is American Idol.
Fellow Texans (I claim dual citizenship–Texas and Idaho), please stop with the “Don’t mess with Texas” schtick. That’s from a TxDOT slogan telling people not to litter on the highways, and every time I see it, I think, “Give a hoot. Don’t pollute!” The more you know.
1st two-step reference! They’re having the auditions at Jerry’s new Death Star, aka Cowboys Stadium. I want to go to there. Simon and Randy are in their limo joke-guessing who their guest judge will be. Have y’all noticed that Simon rarely rides in a car with Kara? Think that’s coincidence? She always shows up separately, except when they came on that helicopter in L.A. Randy and Simon try to imitate Clint Eastwood, failing spectacularly.
Today’s guest judge is Neil Patrick Harris, and his goal is to shatter the dreams of thousands and to make two-three dozen people cry.
Julie Kevelighan is a college student. She auditioned in the first season and was horrible. To prepare for this audition, she’s taken choir, drama classes, etc. Cadet Happy told me last night that if he didn’t know I was WAY WAY WAY over the age limit, he’d have sworn this girl was me. He is truly evil. Wow, that is some kind of aquamarine-sequined dress she’s wearing. Oh, matching eyeshadow! Of course. She has a poster that says “This is my year” and then her name underneath. She ran out of room for her last name and just squeezed it in there. She will sing “Black Velvet,” and she is quite awful. Neil talks first and nails her on the sign, says she should have started over because of the last name thing. Then he tells her that vocally, it was not good. Simon tells her she’s missed off the word “not” on her poster. They give her 4 nos, and she starts singing again. And then again. Just make it stop. But no, she sings throughout the building.
More snark…
We get to see Seacrest in his radio studio with his golden microphone. Must be a Rush fan. This… is American Idol.
That dress makes Kahra’s boobs look saggy. Push-up bra, Kara. Look into it. Avril Lavigne is the guest judge, and she says the room is intimidating, so she’ll go easy on everyone. She’ll fit in nicely as Fake Paula.
The first contestant of the day is Neil Goldstein, who has an IQ of 168 and thinks he’s a “pretty smart guy.” If you were really that smart, you’d know you’re wearing a girl’s shirt, vest, and haircut. Also, you’re writing on a mirror in girl’s lipstick. He keeps clicking his tongue, and Simon asks Avril what that noise is. Avril is wearing a hoodie with devil’s horns on the hood. He’s going to sing Meatloaf. His first lyrics are “Remember everything that I told you,” and then he forgets his lyrics. Kara tells him to take his time, sweetie. Neil has goaty vibrato. Avril is laughing. Simon says he’s not suited for this business, and Neil and his IQ tell Simon that he’s wrong, he’s going to Hollywood and is not leaving the audition room, and he’s going to make his own reality. Oh, Neil. Neil, Neil, Neil. If you hadn’t gotten all militant on me, I might have felt sorry for you. Simon tells him he can leave on his own or with an escort. Neil’s answer *should* be, “Is she hot?” But instead he tells Simon, “Try not to hit anyone else with the door.” What door, asks Simon. And Neil goes the wrong way. Ah, Neil. I’ll miss you. The story of the door: “On the way in there, Simon hit me with the door, and it felt like he didn’t even know I existed.” “I really do think American Idol lost out today.” Yeah, they did. You could have helped all the girls with their costume choices. Zing!
More snark…
Slouchy talks to Lady Prez and tries to take credit for the fact that Hassan isn’t dead right now. “One of our agents detected the ambush.” Um, Jack Bauer told one of your agents about the ambush.
Cole is only minorly injured and runs to get Hassan out of his car. Mikhail walks up and cocks his probably unnecessarily cocked gun just as a CTU SUV drives up. Cole lets Dana know that Hassan is safe. Cole spots Mikhail and his gun walking by and takes off chasing his motorcycle on foot. He corners him, and Mikhail goes into a building whose glass doors are covered in butcher paper. ?
Dana sends Jack and Rookie Cop the location of the suspect, so they take off in pursuit. Meanwhile Hassan’s wife and daughter, mostly wife, are freaking out about Hassan, and Farhad is trying to calm them. He calls Mikhail and asks if his brother is okay. Mikhail tells him he survived, and Farhad’s like, holy crap, I’m screwed. Yes, you are, sir. M tells him they’re locking down the area and to get out now, because they’re gonna figure out Farhad’s the bad guy. He gets out of the car, and his security agent tells him to get back in the car. Farhad stabs him in the carotid with a pen. I don’t know, maybe he wants to sign something in blood.
Cole hunts for Mikhail in the building, and Mikhail finds him first, makes him drop his weapon, trains his gun on him, tells him to lead the feds away from them. Cole says, “I’m in the southwest corner of the building, I’m in pursuit of the assassin… he’s with me now.” Love him. Mikhail is about to shoot him, but Jack puts two in Mikhail first. Guess we’ll never know his real name. Unless we already do and I missed it. Jack opens Mikhail’s shirt, hopefully checking for a vest, and sees tattoos all over his chest. Red Square? “Sunuvab*tch!” I knew you had it in you, Jack.
More snark…
I truly never get tired of Sean Callery’s theme. And here we go.
Hastings updates Rob that he has no update on the Reed sitch. They’re in her laptop, but she says she’s innocent. Rob says the peace process relies on CTU. Everything in the world relies on CTU.
Ortiz asks Danabuck about the encrypted file. She’s still 40 minutes away, and Ortiz is starting to think there’s something to Jack’s theory that Reed is being framed. Dana knows Chloe is behind that theory, but Ortiz thinks Dana’s file may be irrelevant and that Chloe may be right. Dana keeps going on the file.
Jack is at the corner where the Russian was dropped off. Chloe doesn’t have more info, so Jack has to go house to house looking for him. Meanwhile, inside the house, Mikhail won’t tell his coworker who he really is, and the coworker gets mad and starts yelling at him until Mikhail aims the gun at his chest, point blank. Everyone gets all wimpy when they’re tied up and at the business end of a suppressor. Wusses! Meanwhile, the wife gets all girly and cries a lot. Mikhail makes Jim tell the police captain that he’s sick and that Mike has offered to take over for him. Captain says to tell Mike to get on it.
Jack finds two security cameras on a run-down basketball court at the park across the street from the corner. Because, you know, run-down urban basketball courts always have those. Chloe starts trying to intercept the camera feed. While she’s doing that, the punks playing basketball start harassing Jack about being on their turf, because Jack needs something to do while he’s waiting for Chloe. He says he doesn’t want any trouble. “I guess you didn’t hear what I’m saying, did you?” So Jack shows the guy his gun, and the guy backs off. Jack offers a hundred bucks to anyone who gives him a location, and the kid says he saw the Russian go over to a light blue house. Jack goes over there, busts into the house, and finds the cop and his wife both dead. Cops show up, and Jack calls Chloe and inexplicably hides from the cops. Eventually he confronts one outside the house and points his gun at him, since that’s the best way to get cops on your side. He says he can’t trust the cops since the cop inside the house is dead. CTU logic, yo.
More snark…
Tonight’s American Idol auditions are in Orlando.
Aw, a shuttle launch from the KSC! One of the few reasons I miss Florida. It’s nice that Ryan, Simon, and Randy went to Miami for R&R and left Kahra and Kristin Chenoweth on their own. I haven’t seen this ep yet, but I think Kristin would be a much better replacement for Pauler than Ellen. Love the Chenoweth.
I don’t even know how to describe this first contestant. His name is Theo Glinton. Well, I think he’s dressed like a girl. He’s either gay or trying to be the flaming gay stereotype. Low-rise girl jeans, belly shirt, super-long scarf, and then there’s his face. He’s got glitter all over it and has little mirrors and a big feather pasted around his eye like he’s a little bird or something?… He kind of yells his song, and he’s not so good.. The judges say no, and is he crying? There’s no crying in Idol auditions! Oh wait, there is. Anyway, they hug him, and the ladies tell him he doesn’t need to dress that way, and Kahra tells him he smells nice. That’ll make it all better. Uh-oh. Our first “wrong way” contestant of the season. His gay assistant is out with Seacrest. Seacrest helps him pick all of the findings off his face then says he has to go wash the glitter off his hands. Please, Ryan. You know you already had that on.
Kristin and Kahra were BFFs for the day.
Montage of bads and nos.
Seth Rollins is married w/ two kids. His son is autistic. There are things he’d like to do for his son, but he can’t afford them. His son cries when he can’t go into the audition room with dad. He sings “Someone to Watch Over Me,” and he’s pretty good. If I recall correctly, Kristin sang this on Pushing Daisies. The judges like him, and they encourage him to be more out there and exert himself. Four yeses.
Crushed dreams montage.
Jermaine Purifoy is next. Oh, he’s good. I really like his voice. And he’s singing “Smile,” which I love. The judges love him. Four yeses.
Shelby Dressel is next. She had a birth defect that has kept her smile crooked her whole life. She’s pretty in spite of not having control of her whole face. She’s singing “Turn Me On.” Ooh, nice voice. WOW. She forgot her words. Then stopped and cussed and made the judges laugh. Judges like her, aren’t blown away, think she has potential. Simon says yes “with a small y” and the other three are in, too.
Ahahahahaha! Simon runs out, and a crowd cheers for him, then the same for Randy. And Kahra runs out, and no one cares. Ok, I feel a little sorry for her. Don’t tell anyone.
Kristin was called back to New York, so no guest judge for Day Two.
Jay Stone is doing “Come Together.” He starts out with a rather long beatbox. Then he what, raps? the song. It’s definitely interesting. Kahra thinks it’s hilarious and says yes. Randy asks if he sings. He breaks into “Ain’t No Sunshine,” and he actually sounds good, but the judges are beatboxing over the top of him. Kahra is fighting for him. Simon’s a definite no, and Kahra is begging Randy, and we know it’ll be a yes. Yep, Randy’s a sucker when he’s the deciding vote.
Janell Wheeler is very good, Brittany Starr Jones is good, Kasi Bedford is kind of meh. All three are in. I would have said yes to Janell and maybe Brittany.
Cornelius Edwards is very flexible. He learned to dance from his stripper friends. He’s gonna sing “Proud Mary,” which he calls “Rollin’.” He jumps up and lands in a split. He can’t get up and says, “I done split my pants.” Simon says, “You know what? I have to say yes after that.” He gets three yeses.
Next we have Bernadette and Amanda Desimone. They live with their mom and have a hair salon in their house. They work in the salon. Bernadette says Amanda can go all the way, and when the judges ask who’s the better singer, Bernadette says they’re equally good. Bernadette is better. Amanda picks a hard song, and Bernadette is making faces like her sister is Jesus while her sister sings. They annoy the crap out of me. Randy says a reluctant yes to both. Kahra too. Simon says he would have said yes to Bernadette and no to Amanda–I would have said the same. Anyway, they’re in.
Jarrod Norrell is up next, singing “Amazing Grace.” Oooh. It’s good that God listens to our hearts and not our voices when we sing. Kahra asks what that was and if he really thinks he’s a good singer. She says he sounded like a lawnmower. They send him away, and he wants to stay. Randy tells him he can’t sing. He tries anyway, and security has to come escort him out. The bouncer comes, and he says, “I can’t leave.” He resists security and eventually gets arrested by Orlando PD. “That’s the way it’s gotta be, you gotta take me out in cuffs.” Just wow. After all that, Simon says, “Yes or no?” Haha.
Matt Lawrence had everything going for him but wanted adventure. He robbed a bank with a BB gun when he was 15. He spent 4 birthdays behind bars and ruined his life. He’s singing “Trouble.” He’s not bad. And then he gets to the chorus, and he’s good. Simon says the song felt authentic. The judges love him. Simon calls him the easiest yes he’s said today. Three yeses.
And that’s it for Orlando. Next week we’re in L.A. Tonight was boring. They should have saved the mirror/bird cross-dresser for last.
Yay! American Idol is on for only an hour tonight! (Lots of blogging to do.) Apparently, everyone cussed out and/or flipped off the camera. Good job looking like wankers, Chi-town. Blerg. Obama speech at the beginning. Crowd shouting “Yes we can.” I dream of death by papercut.
Shania Twain is the guest judge tonight. I used to loathe her passionately. But the whole divorce/cheater thing really softened me on her, so now I kinda like her. Even if she is Canadian.
Kaitlin Everly (or Epperly or something–I forgot to check the spelling) is up first. Gorgeous girl. Her dad left her mom last summer. Wow, drag that out on national TV. It’s kind of douchey that she used that as her thing to get her into the audition room. But she sounds good. Four yeses.
Kris Allen Ford commercial! Boooooring.
And now they’re telling us even more about Chicago. This must have sucked, as far as talent goes. They’re having to add filler for their hour-long show? Eek.
Amy Lang is next, and what is going ON with her dropping F-bombs when she’s not even mad? Not that it’s cool when they are mad, but usually that’s when they come out when you know you’re being filmed for national TV. So already I don’t like her. Anyway, she says she and Seacrest go way back, because he’s the first person she ever had an inappropriate dream about. Silly girl, you’re not his preferred chromosome pairing. She has written on her info sheet that she does something with her boobs, and Simon asks her about this. She says it’s just a little something she does during the song. She gets geared up to sing and faints. FAKE. Yep, sure enough. She gets up and busts into song. She sings ok, but not anywhere near good enough. Plus, she annoys me. When it’s over, the judges ask about the boob thing, and she does it (she flexes her boobs) several times. Go away. Simon is over her and tells her no. She offers to do something more serious, and Simon says no way. And then in her exit video, she flexes the boobs again. Amy, just go inside and never come out again. Do it for The Children.
More snark…
Viewer discretion… is advised.
Wow, I missed in the last episode where Jack stuck a fire ax through that one guy’s chest. Certified JackAttack.
Russian guy wants to accelerate the attack, FPJ wants to know where his EMTs are. Also wants to tell Hastings that he should have listened to him about having a second team there. Jack tells Hastings that the hitman has someone on the inside close to Hassan. “And you believe him?” “He was dying, sir. Rule #1 of 24 is that dying men always tell the truth. No one in the history of the world has ever lied on his deathbed.” Hastings wants Jack at CTU. Jack resists but finally agrees.
Starbuck has a lead on Hassan’s insider, something computery. And Hastings, who really wants to end up at the business end of an M-16, tells her to put Chloe on it, too, “if you don’t think she’ll slow you down.” I think we should change his name to King Toolface.
At the presser, Rob gets a call from Hastings, who tells him about Hassan’s insider. Hastings tells him about their computer lead and suggests that they lock down Hassan and cancel the presser, and Rob tells Hastings to handle up on his business. After the presser, Hassan gets a phone call from the reporter, and they flirt and set a date for doing it (well, interview, as that’s what the kids are calling it these days).
Arlo at CTU tells Toolface, “I told you so. We hadn’t tested the anti-missile system in an urban environment. Neener neener.” Starbuck found a computer that downloaded U.N. security protocols, schematics, and Hassan’s itinerary. Chloe’s getting a name on the computer. Hastings says, “Come on, Chloe.” “Saying that isn’t gonna make it happen any faster.” The computer belongs to Meredith Reed, the reporter. They realize she’s at the U.N. now and manage to have security arrest her, and Hassan is very upset about it. He misses his girlfriend.
More snark…
Viewer discretion is advised! Events occur in real time, unless you count the fairy tale traffic 24’s characters always encounter.
So at the beginning, some guy we don’t know is getting ready to snipe at some other guy we don’t know, but he can’t take the shot, and the 2nd unknown goes inside a crackhouse. He finds a guy in a bathtub w/ a bullet in the brainpan and calls some lady, who totally can’t help him because she has her own dead bodies problem to deal with. Unknown leaves the crackhouse, and the sniper is just about to shoot when the guy turns around and a homeless guy is now wearing the Unknown Entity’s clothes. Psych! Unknown escapes in a Pontiac (your tax dollars paying for THAT product placement, which I didn’t even notice the first time I watched it, so it’s a big wasteful government spending allegory). One of the shooters reports the Pontiac stolen. From the taxpayers!
The most scrumptious little smushable girl wakes Jack up from a nap, and he tells her not to call him Jack, but Grampa. “You don’t look like a grampa.” She totally owns Jack, and she is as cute as Jack is badass and Kim is inept. Cougars will want to hug her instead of attack her. I want to adopt her. Seriously, little blonde girl’s mom–call me.
Since 24 is in New York this year, it’s totally plausible that Jack could take a ride in the Cash Cab. How awesome would that be?
More snark…
Chuck. “Chuck vs. the Pink Slip.” First off, I loved the Honda/Olympics commercial with Morgan, Awesome, and Ellie. Especially Awesome. “Babe. People ski with guns. It’s AWEsome.” And what the hay? Chuck left Sarah & didn’t run away with her? Bad, super bad. Also crazy: Buster’s over-the-top death. And can they say the p-word on TV? On Sunday?? I loved Casey in this episode. And I loved the Rocky whichever ending w/ Chuck and Casey.
Chuck. “Chuck vs. the Three Words.” Also lots of fun.
Chuck. “Chuck vs. the Angel of Death.” First off, I don’t think they should be talking into their watches during undercover operations, especially at a highly secure foreign consulate. Second, Captain Awesome is awesomely awesome and my 2nd favorite character on the show (Casey being the favorite, of course). 3rd, Casey dressed like one of the commie guards is funny. And this: “You stole my blood. You stole my blood and put it in a stinking commie despot.” Also, I hope Awesome keeps getting dragged into spy stuff, like getting kidnapped at the end of this ep. This was one of the best Chuck episodes ever, in my opinion.
House. Hey, the patient is T.B. Player from That Thing You Do! Also, Chase got a haircut! I haven’t yet decided if I like it. Also, “I NEED THE DRUGS! … Works for Jack Bauer.” And Wilson proposing to House in the crowded restaurant w/ the girl there… priceless. And House looked so pwn3d. And I knew Foreman was playing the others by the end.
Castle. Alyssa Milano was adorable, and the bit where Castle had to escape the duct tape was pretty funny. Also, Kate is growing on me.
CSI: Miami. No SAHSM, so meh. The new CSI did become more intriguing, but so far, this is still my last season.
Big Bang Theory. “I was going to squeeze in a little more mockery before lunch, but I think I’ll come back when you don’t have a high-powered weapon.” Also: “Have you chosen one to copulate with yet?” And Sheldon: “Hulk agree to second date with puny humans!” and “Hulk sad.” And this from Penny: “Wow. That’s all you’ve got when you were the most obnoxious person on a double date that included Howard Wallowitz?” And Sheldon again. “Goonight, puny human!”
Scrubs. Yay! Jordan’s back!
Better Off Ted. 1st episode. “I’ll see you at 8. And this time, please don’t say ‘thank you for kissing with me.’”
Better Off Ted. 2nd episode. “I would never play with that. It looks dangerous. Like it could kill a Jonas Brother.”
Community. Funny episode. I especially loved the Owen Wilson cameo.
Parks and Recreation. Loved the bit with the MRI. And that April’s Ron’s new assistant. I saw that coming.
Bones. “Military intelligence? That’s an oxymoron.” “Important blogger? Talk about an oxymoron.” Hahahaha, that’s fu–heeeeeyyyyyy. Also, “I won’t say anything about the scream if you won’t say anything about the gun?” “Those terms are acceptable.” And the guy in the diner? One of the Lone Gunmen! Loved this episode.
30 Rock. 1st episode. Kind of meh. But this was funny: “Kenneth. Your haircut is disrespectful to lesbians.” Hahaha.
30 Rock. 2nd episode. This one was really funny. Especially the thing w/ Jenna.
Dollhouse. YAY for the return of Victor-Topher! Short-lived, but I’ll take it. Thoughtpocalypse! Ahahahaha. “Should I call it Brain-pocalypse? I figure if I’m responsible for the end of the world, I should get to name it.” That was a fun chick fight between Echo & Amy Acker, but it could have been longer. Also, wow. Way too much happened in this episode. And at the end we skip ahead 10 years! This would have been a great 10-year series. Oh, and I’m sure you’ve noticed that Joss’s body count is piling up. Bets on who dies in the finale? I’m gonna go with Topher, Ballard, Sierra/Pria.
Fringe. 1st episode. This was Monday night’s episode–apparently there are two episodes from the first season that they didn’t show, and this was one of them. Enjoyable. Normal Fringe. We haven’t watched the 2nd episode yet.
What did you think about this week’s shows?
Only an hour and a half for the Atlanta auditions. They must have been really bad or not bad enough. BTW, this… is American Idol.
Hey, Atlanta, every time you call it Hotlanta, you sound like total douches. Just giving you my hotvice. SWIDT? You see it.
Mary J. Blige is our guest judge.
Dewone Robinson is up first. Music is in his blood. His uncles discovered people and stuff. He’s going to sing an original song. It’s called “Lady We’re Not Together Anymore.” Laaaty, I know you. Laty, it’s over.” They’re laughing. “What y’all want me to sing? Usher?” Simon says, “It’s one of the worst original songs I’ve ever heard.” Almost as bad as that dreck Kahra wrote for last year’s finale. Zoom zoom zoom! They send him away without even getting a yes/no count.
Hotdouchea is hotter than ever.
Kia Johnson is the next contestant. She’s static about singing for the judges. Static. She sings “My Heart Will Go On” (she messes up the lyrics, but whatevs). She’s pretty good. Mary says she can sing. Kahra likes her. Simon thinks she could be in a musical. She has big hair. Four yeses. Good for her and her crazy lime green leggings that she’s wearing as pants.
Miriam Lemnouni is pretty and sings well. Noel Reese too. Tisha Holland as well, except Thor’s HAMMER, the girl has some horrific, soul-crushing earrings. They’re not the giant hoops that I hate. They’re like giant belt buckles from those hideously gaudy boob belts that Michelle Obama wears. I’ll have to remember that I hate her for her earrings when we get to Hollywood week. All three of these girls are in.
Jermaine Sellers is next. He’s a church singer who takes care of his mama who has spina bifida. He’s singing “What If God Was One of Us?”. Oh. He’s so very good, and I liked that way better than the original version. Mary has strong feelings about him, and we can tell by her overjoyed face.
Anyway, Jermaine’s going to Hollywood w/ four yeses.
More snark…
I still don’t have Kris Allen’s CD. Someone buy it off my wishlist! BTW, this… is American Idol.
Hey, look. They’re not ignoring the elephant in the room. Paula’s gone, and they searched and found a boring comic who can’t say anything without an agenda since about 1995. I mean, seriously. Kahra wasn’t enough twittiness, they had to add Princess Pantsuit to the panel. They should have hired Kristin Chenoweth or Joss Whedon.
In case you don’t follow me on Twitter, this is my last season watching and snarking Idol. This season will be brutal enough, but I won’t watch the show at all when Simon’s gone. I’ll follow him to X Factor, and please, TV gods, let Pauler go with him.
Ryan says, “Each year we get bigger and better.” I can finish that for him: “Until this year. And next year will be a disaster.” Aw, Seacrest. I’m gonna miss you next year.
So we’re in Boston. Hey, look–Boston has all three of Kahra’s fans. She should move there. Victoria Beckham is the first guest judge of the season. She’s really excited to be there.
First up is Janet McNamara. She got the American Idol Karaoke Revolution, and now she’s sure she’s going to Hollywood. The way her video looks, she will not be getting through. They don’t make the talent look like idiots. Simon wants to see if the game actually works. And she sings, and it’s awful. After she sings, she points at Kahra. “And Paula *always* likes me.” “Wait, she thinks I’m Paula. No, I’m not Paula. I’m Kara.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew that.” “And who is this?” “Uh uh uh Victoria Beckham. David Beckham’s wife.” Hahaha, put her through to Hollywood just for that! And after her 4 nos, she tells Ryan, “Paula did think I was good, though.”
More snark…
Fiesta Bowl. The first half was boring. The second half–after the successful punt fake, of course–was much more exciting. I was a big ball of nerves. Also, YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY! Go Broncos!
Scrubs. 1st episode. I loved the ending with Cole in the YouTubeish video and #1’s closing line. “I forgive you, internet.”
Better Off Ted, 1st episode. “What was I supposed to do? Leave him in the car? It’s a hot day.” “He’s already ashes.” Also, I love that they’re getting Rickrolled in the elevator. And I love Merrin Dungey in this episode. I hope she sticks around.
Scrubs. 2nd episode. “Denise, that was girl talk! You have broken a sacred bond between sisters!” “Oh no. Now I’m not gonna get to wear the traveling pants this week.”
Modern Family. I wasn’t paying close attention, but the part where she dresses up for the firemen was funny.
Dollhouse. LOVED the Firefly shout out at the beginning. Echo looks at picture of Summer Glau (Bennet). “Betcha could kill me with your brain.” Also the end. Am I the only one who said, “Um. What just happened?” in response to the end? It was crazy. I’m very confused.
House. I love Wilson at the end.
Glee. WOW. I was not expecting Bill to find out so early about his wife’s treachery.
The Middle. Was really funny.
The Amazing Race. Man, I felt bad for the Globetrotters. And I want Sam & Dan to go DOWN. Not just because of the treachery against the Globetrotters, but because Dan is pretty much the whiniest girl to ever go on the show, and I can’t STAND him. “Shut uuuuuuuuuu-uhhhhhp! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! This is haaaaaaaaaaaaard! This is heeeeeeeeeeeavy! I can’t dooooooooo it!” If they win, I’m killing myself. And all of y’all.
Bones. The Avatar pimpage was embarrassing.
The Office. Wow, Michael and the Scott’s Tots–just so sad. And Dwight burning Jim the way he did was awesome. Also, Kevin applied for a job in the warehouse! Haha.
Community. “And you know what? Now that I’ve seen one, I don’t see what all the fuss was about! Big… thumb in a turtleneck! Big deal!” “If you’re going to have sex tonight… don’t use condoms!”
30 Rock. That was so funny. Frank turning into Liz, Liz turning into Jenna.
Dollhouse. River as the other Topher is awesome. Victor as Topher himself: PERFECT. The facial expressions, the voice, the ticks–everything was perfect. Also, I’m a little surprised and dismayed that I didn’t predict that the Senator was the doll. I’m usually good at predicting twists. One more thing: Alexis Denisof speaking w/ his natural American accent sounds like he’s British pretending to be American. Wigs me out. All that said: This was the best episode of Dollhouse yet. Especially the 2nd hour.
Fringe. Really graphic episode. We were eating lunch while watching, and I had to keep looking away.